/biz/ - Business & Finance

old copypasta is old

>be DM of electronics at walmart
>mexican lady asks me for help
>go help her
>come back to what i was doing
>black dude comes up to me and calls me a racist for helping the lady and not asking him if he needs help

>>214556
That's stealing by the way.

>work at ice cream store
>old man comes in
>wants a kilo of icecream
>vanilla was one of the 4 flavors he asked
>finish serving the kilo, put the cover
>old man says I didn't put vanilla in it
>tell him that I did
>no you didn't
>sir, I know where the vanilla is, I did put vanilla in the kilo
>no you didn't
>I already told you I did
>you didn't put any pink ice cream in there
>do you know what fucking vanilla is?
>yes, it's pink
>take off the cover and show him the fucking yellow vanilla
>everyone is laughing
>pays and leaves like he was right and everyone else was wrong

>>214649

CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

>being employed
>by anything
>ever
pick none

>>214556

i would have fired you

>>214556
>be trading dogecoin
>doubling my money 1000 doge at a time
250 satoshi here we come

>>214661
I fix computers by myself as a side job.
Doesn't leaves much money but it's nice to do something for myself.

My dream is that some day a shemale is going to call me and we are going to have hot sex while I wait for windows to install.

>>214680
why not just hire a shemale prostitute

>>214684
It's not the same.

Also, if she wants to fuck it's not going to awkward as if I called a prostitute

>>214684
cause the chances of finding one who needs to reinstall windows at that very moment in time is quite slim

>working for Dunkin' Donuts
>this shifty looking black guy walks in and orders a coffee
>manage to decipher his ebonics and ring him up for $1.25
>this dense piece of shit gives me a "two dollar bill"
>thinking I must be getting punk'd, I decide to humor him
>after a few minutes of looking for cameras and joking about his funny money, he's still looking at me dead serious
>realize that I have a dangerous counterfeiter on my hands
>tell him to wait one minute while I talk to my manager
>he crosses his arms and begins tapping his foot
>walk into the manager's office and show him the counterfeit bill
>his eyes go wide
>commends me for my swift thinking, and begins dialing 911
>tells me to stall the customer until help arrives
>walk back to the counter smiling, and begin pouring the scam artist a cup
>"accidentally" spill it on the way over, and tell him that I'll need to brew up another pot
>he becomes agitated and begins eyeing the door
>wonder what's taking them so long
>after a few minutes, the "customer" begins uttering obscenities, checks his watch and makes a run for the door
>overwhelming sense of civic pride as I vault over the counter and flatten him with my considerable mass
>he begins shrieking like a maniac as I subdue him, biting the back of his neck like a mother cat
>he manages to break free and repeatedly kicks me in the stomach as I lie prone on the floor
>I hear sirens
>moments later, and not a second too soon, two officers burst through the door
>he's dragged out kicking and screaming by the police
>manager recorded the whole thing
>win employee of the month

Heard he got 2 years for resisting arrest.

>>214680
>The american dream

>work as barista
>no stories just coffee

>>>/b/

>Remote helpdesk support for a low-income housing provider
>Hear gunshots in the background whenever I'm on the phone helping someone
>At least once a week a person I'm on the phone with will have to hang up because one of their residents is overdosing

Section 8 housing. Not even once.

>>214556

This copypasta infuriates me.

Some people don't want to use their fucking change, they may have to drive through tolls to get to work or need the change for other reasons.

Or maybe the guy was just too stupid to count. Just let him be stupid then, Jesus Christ.

>>214728
>this dense piece of shit gives me a "two dollar bill"

You're a fucking idiot.

>>214864
It's not real. Who's the moron now?

>>214869
Me.

>>214875
No come on now. I'm the moron.

>>214877
No, I will not let you take the fall.

I insist I am the moron.

>>214883
Fuck you you clever bastard. I don't know shit. I don't even speak English. I'm just lucky is all.

>>214556

>worked at Walgreens for a bit
>12 hour shifts
>only a lunch break
>standing feet all day
>if you work at the front, you have to mop the floors, face 6 isles, count your till, take out all the trash AND put away all the cigarette cartrons NEATLY
It's not enough that they have you on your feet for 10+ hours a day; you HAVE to do all this extra shit while the fat girl that barely speaks English sits in the candy isle all day "stocking" various candy. They did pay me $1 more than everyone else because I was a "Photo Specialist" even though they always had someone else handling the photo stuff. But anyway, here's my work story:
>black chipper nigger comes in one day
>wearing a home made shirt
>says some shit like "fuck Isreal and fuck jews"
>ask him about his shirt
>says if he could get a bunch of kids to wear it he'd be set
>just smile and tell him to have a nice day
>still don't understand what he meant
I would usually get a bunch of old people and kids buying cigarettes. I was a douche to the kids buying cigarettes (asking them for ID). I don't know why.

>>county gov't summer temp job
>>vector (mosquito) control
The good:
>>fun as fuck
>>drive around all day blasting dad rock
>>sometimes offroad thru fields and forests
>>hike around swamps and shit drenched in delicious DEET
>>meet lots of cool people going door to door treating sites

The bad:
>>$7.25/hr no benefits
>>gatekeeper at local park makes $9/hr to sit in an air conditioned room and wave people into the park
>>not sure if jealous
>>coworker was lazy and a total time-thief
>>2013...still using XP with 128 mb ram
>>hard as fuck to do my spreadsheets or even load the weather
>>trapping mosquitoes = lots of bites

One choice story:
>>alone in the woods
>>sprays larvacide into pools of water
>>suddenly I must piss
>>open zipper
>>pull out my bird
>>mosquito lands
>>on my bird

>>214856
Reposting from another dead thread:
">My new supervisor is trying to get me in trouble for taking a lunch after 6 hours of work before I clocked out. I don't see the problem when the employee handbook and federal law (we are under the feds) say: "no employee may be required to work more than 6 continuous hours without a meal or rest period of at least 1/2 hour."

>The huge problem is it says "may", and that may or may not be legally binding if it escalates to court, but if I don't take a lunch after 6 hours I supposedly get penalized 30 minutes. I don't know if he was trying to dupe me out of 30 minutes, but I'm going to talk to my union and possibly a lawyer.

>I honestly don't believe anything will happen except the managers staring at me and following me around, heckling me. I don't like being ran around on a leash and indirectly threatened for shit when I do my job and follow rules. I'm just going to keep a notebook and write shit down when no one is looking."

Might as well start saving and doing /biz/ if I get on managements bad side and they pull there bullshit to get me out of a job in a year or so.

>>214556
Damn OP is a fucking douchbag.

>>214675
h-how master? teach me!

>>215690
How long was your shift? 6 hours, or was it more?

>>214556
> Working
> In the defense industry, no less
> Work stalled while waiting on parts to show up
> My supervisor is a total bro. Raver, ex-army, gypsy ancestry (actual romany gypsies, not irish tinker fucks), long-ass dreads.
> Working on converting a horsebox into a mobile home, with his carpentry skills.
> Battered old horsebox on the outside, gypsy caravan in clean new wood inside
> He gets bored
> He gets antsy; he's going to a rave for the weekend
> Pulls out a roll of something, pops something off the end, takes it
> Entire department of him, me, and the blonde polish girl with a fine ass laugh at him tripping balls at work.
> Then, worst thing that could happen, happens
> The goddamn parts show up.
> He recognises that he's high as a fucking kite, and gets us to cover for him
> He's in no state to do anything except trip balls
> We pull through, get shit done.

Months later:
> His neighbours caught sight of his houseplants
> Lots of weed, other assorted drug-making stuff
> Called the police on him
> His girlfriend left him, stole the mobile home
> Depression, rehab.
> She took his bike as well, so he borrows mine to go to rehab
> Bro he is, it turns up again unharmed.
> Borrows it a few more times
> Ends up buying one like it, after seeing how shitty his shitty old bike was.

>>215700
OP is trolling, obviously

>be hedge fund manager
>receive insider info
>use it to make $

hahahahaha

stay bad at your jobs plebs

>be me
>summer after high school, working at cheeseburger place
>"Young man, what would you recommend?"
>begin to learn what to recommend
>Soldiers (live by a military base so we get a lot of them all the time) - 1/2lb burger (don't forget you can add another patty for $1.00 more ;) with pepper jack cheese, an egg, bacon and on texas toast with a side of cajun fries
>Qt's coming from gym - turkey burger or grilled chicken with swiss on wheat bread and a side of sweet potato wedges
>"thanks young man, that was very good"

Raking in dat cash money in tips all day yo.

>>214993
>I was a douche to the kids buying cigarettes (asking them for ID). I don't know why.
Is that considered a "douchey" thing to do? M8, whenever I buy cigs, I already have my ID pulled out and in your face so that things don't take to long. I always thought it was a pretty reasonable thing to do to expect an ID for tobacco products or booze.

>>215878
>that picture
pretty accurate. except for the weed part. we 1% like to get faded too m8

>>215935
Yea, that's true. I just got it off /lit/ and posted it, I might need to edit it. I like to consider myself pretty pre-1% at school and shit, and I blaze it 420 erryday m8.

>>215921
*too long
Whoops

>>215878
>that picture
>mfw I'm studying Art History at an Ivy League school

I got paid around $100k in fellowship money and tuiting waivers and have a job lined up though, so I don't think that really applies to me

>>214556
you're fucking retarded. i hope you got hired fucking feget

>>215995
No one's saying you can't make money m8, but it's bretty unlikely you'll be the 1%.

>>216000
>I hope you got hired fucking feget
wat.jpg

>>214556
hahaha

thanks for the laugh op, i hope you do this at every job you have. you remind me of the faggots who take themselves too seriously, one time we were given the company card to take some customers out for a night on the town, we brought a faggot like you and he kept nagging that we were spending too much and even called the VP during the middle of the night to complain, VP hung up on him and we left him at the strip club so we could fuck escorts with the clients on the company dime

was an awesome night, who knew little japaneese men loved escorts and liquor so much

anyways next day we closed the contract with them, it was worth over 6 figures, they told us at the end of the meeting that they were thinking of not signing with us when that faggot was with us but once we ditched him they changed their minds

dude got his severance check cut in his name within the hour

>working fiving out flyers at a shopping mall
>basically walk around with a friend cracking jokes every 5 minutes and smiling at strangers
>coming to work high as fuck one day, almost passing out and sleepwalking.
>having a meal at burger king every other day
cool as fuck
>jr auditor
>the job sucks, excel and papers all day in a stuffy room
>working with a dude and a chic my age, also students, in a team of 3
>the firm is small and it's a sumer job
>despite the shittiness of the job jumped out of bed every morning, have fond memories about it now
then
>jr buyer at a retail company
>first serious job
>employees kinda suck, atmosphere kinda sucks, the job is super-easy
>work like 4 out of 8 hours
>still feel super shitty about it although the pay is more than I've ever got and the job is chill
That feel when you realise that liking yout job is something random as fuck and depends on a shitload of random factors, your specialisation having to do very little with it.

>>215734
More than 6 hours

>>214680
The dreams of 4chin

>>214680

Go to bed Josh.

>>214680
>I fix computers by myself as a side job.

all by yourself?

>>214856

it's usually the other way around

If I buy something for 88 cents and hand the cashier $1.13 , they seem confused and panicked until they ring it up.

Also, /biz/ please dont be that guy that doesnt reach for his wallet until he hears the total. Have some idea what cash you will need and be ready. It makes the line move so much faster. The only thing worse is the guy who goes to McDs and doesnt even look at the menu or knows what he wants until he's at the register. That guy, don't be him.

>>215878

feels


:3

A good crew at a fast food joint is the difference between heaven and hell for both the worker and customers. Find decent co workers and have a little respect for customers and everyones day is so much better.

By that, I mean dont take Mcjobs in the city if you can avoid it, in case the implication isnt obvious. Take them in the burbs. Customer service in the city is more like incremental riot control. No one wants to deal with that. If you have to work in the city at an entry level job, try to avoid the public or your whole view of the world will turn to crap. Hold out for some warehouse job or such

>>216941
Yea I wasn't in a metropolitan area, more like the (super white) suburbs. And I guess it really isn't a "fast food" place, but more like a burger joint. Like we had beer on draft and all that good stuff. Oh buddy, let me tell you, we got a lot of guys come in with their girl friends and go "Holy shit, bro you guys have beer here!?" and they automatically like love you after you pour em one, good times.

>>216013
are you shitting me? is this what really goes on in the business world, or w/e you claim you do, fucking hookers with clients?
like is this some meta trolling, where you pretend that OP wasnt trolling and proceed to tell an equally crazy story?
i really dont know on 4chan anymore. since this place has boomed in popularity over the years there have been so many different people here. ranging from mentally ill autists to phd doctors, i just dont know what to ever believe.

>>217426
There are few instances where blowing your fucking wad all over the place will help you in life.

You must examine the surrounding people, Where they come from and how they react to judge wither or not you use this card.

>OP
sounds like a dick move.

He wanted to keep his change. Fuck you, OP. Guy deserved the extra money for having to deal with an autist like you.

>>214556

>Man doesn't want to give away his change
>Paid you perfectly valid legal tender
>You try to wrestle him for his change anyways, ensuring he would likely not come there again

You are a horrible employee. Jesus fuck, if he shakes his head the first time, just put the $5 in the drawer and hand him his $0.70 back. Is that so fucking hard?

>>214728

Don't most counterfeiters tend to go for $20s though? What would be the purpose in counterfeiting a $2 bill?

>>219027
>the joke

>air

>more air

>your head

>>214556
You are the dense fucker. Seriously I hope this is bait.

>>216013

That's just how you do business in Japan, though--a Westerner encountering this for the first time is right to be incredulous.

Wasn't he at least briefed on the common practice here?

>>216910
>Also, /biz/ please dont be that guy that doesnt reach for his wallet until he hears the total. Have some idea what cash you will need and be ready.

In some countries this can result in bloody murder--at least, going from my memories of the stares I received in Germany.

And don't hate, it can be really hard to get the change out in time if you've got a heavy basket, the queue's moving fast, and your coins are all jammed tightly down your jeans' coin pocket.

>>215980

>be age 16
>working as a lifeguard at a park district pool
>on long break because of party
>party is for inhouse baseball league
>for some reason, the speaker turns up his mic full blast
>ZI'DZ ZLIKEZ ZTOZ ZTHANKZ ZEVERYONEZ ZFORZ ZCOMINGZ ZOUTZ ZTODAYZ
>manager does nothing about it
>some guy that lives in the neighborhood comes charging in
>I NEED TO SEE YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW
>"s-sorry, I'll get him, s-sorry"
>kind of felt for this guy because the pool was probably built after he moved in and we always blasted terrible music
>nevertheless, he starts swearing in front of little kids
>guy chews out my manager on the pool deck
>manager threatens to call the cops
>man scurries off
>I'm in charge of guarding the door in case the guy comes back
>it seems like the speaker turned up his mic and was antagonizing the guy
>mfw

>>215034
Well if you enjoy your job even 7.25$/hr is fucking nice.

>>219266
I have never had a conversation with a Marxist that didn't degenerate into rhetoric and buzzwords.

>bourgeoisie
>exploitation
>proletariat
>the revolution is coming!

I daresay they're worse than anarcho-capitalists.

>>219307
No. $7.25/hour is never nice. It is always criminal, no matter how great your job is. Minimum wage should be $15/hour.

>>219328
If you expect to make enough money to support your life by flipping burgers, you're insane.

>>219328
top kek you are one spoiled cunt

Old copy pasta.

Seriously, nobody on Earth likes when a faggot decides to get out his change. Nobody.

>work at really shitty old movie theater
>get complaint that a man is in the women's bathroom
>have to stop anyone from going in to avoid someone causing a scene
>go in to see what is going on
>looks like there is vomit on the floor, the whole bathroom smells like shit. I mean shittier than usual for the women's bathroom
>call out to see where this guy is, he didn't know he was in the right bathroom, assume he was sick and didn't know any better
>minutes later, old ass man walks out and goes back to his theater, ironically the men's room was closer to where he was
>me and manager go in, ready with that sawdust stuff for the small amounts of throw up
>open the stall he was in, the toilet and the immediate ground below it is shitted into oblivion
>realize now that the other small puddles aren't vomit, but drops of shit
>this old man was dripping shit out of his pants as he tried probably struggled to hold in the shit
>me and the manager lock the stall and just leave it be
>"the night guy will take care of it"
>it's 1:00pm
>mfw

>>214556
wtf he doesnt want to take the time to give you the 30 cents just fucking give him the 70 cent change. It doesnt matter.

>>215034
There is a skitter on my petter wack it off
There is a skitter on my petter wack it off
There is a dozen on my cousin you should hear those bastards buzzing
There is a skitter on my petter wack it off

>>214556

Your a dick

Happens to me all the time

I give the bitches what they want

lods of emone

>>216885
Fuck you Alexis don't tell me what to fucking do

>work as a barista
>set a completed drink up on the counter and call out the customer's name (lets say Bethany)
>the person next in the order of drinks says "my name's not Bethany, it's Steve, and I wanted that iced"
>Bethany walks up to the counter and grabs her drink
All the fuckin' time.

>>215690
Here in Canada it's a 30 minute unpaid meal break. Are you in trouble for taking the break or for trying to claim time for it?

>>220159
taking an unpaid break

I hear if I don't take a break after 6 hours I get penalized and lose 30 minutes since they add the 30 minute unpaid break. Shit is really shady, but I'm not in a situation to fight back.

>>214833
bro in the couple years i worked at a starbucks i served a drunk lead singer of everclear, the midget family from little people big world, saw monica lewinsky and a few other celebs

i also put my dick in a rich iranians iced latte because he was such a piece of shit drama queen

be me working at a car rental company

people return their car like 9 hours late. their return time and date are double confirmed with them before they leave our office

go ballistic when they are charged for an extra day.

all of my what

people can be real douchers sometimes ill tell ya hwat "IM BIG ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND EVERYONE IS GONNA KNOW ABOUT THIS" BOUT HOW YOU RETURNED YOUR CAR 9 HOURS LATE AND HAD TO PAY FOR IT?????????


"that's not gonna work" sir this payment is going to process, watch me make it work

>>216910

>If I buy something for 88 cents and hand the cashier $1.13

you want a penny back or am I missing something

>>221229
1.13-.88=.25 One quarter as change instead of a bunch of coins.

>>216910
what the fuck on gods green earth is only 88 cents anymore

>Be an accounting intern
>Getting trained directly by a partner for some reason
>Taught a bunch of stuff all at once, taking notes
>I'm left alone for a few hours to sort through the work myself
>I get the work all done and the partner comes to check my work
>Plug some numbers to make sure they match
>Nervous as fuck, this one number doesn't match no matter how many times I try, I know It matched only 10 minutes ago
>Partner shaking his head in silence
>MFW I'd been adding a number that I should have ignored for this calculation fucking it all up
>Finally get it right
>Partner says "You should know this by now"
>"H-Heh, I-I guess I just b-brain farted"
>Luckily the rest of my work is perfect
Nerve-racking as fuck.

>Work at an arcade
>We have a scale so we can weigh tickets
>Niglets always come in
>There is one niglet one day who kept coming up and trading tickets then running off
Now let me tell you something, this arcade is in no way deserted, we have A LOT of people in the place at once on Saturdays, which is one of the days I work.

When people turn in tickets and just go off back in to the arcade it is so fucking annoying, I have to juggle 6 families at once with whiny kids and sassy black women. So when a fucking niglet comes up just so I can weigh his tickets and then he goes off and gets more tickets.

>He comes up for the 5th fucking time (I count niglets like this, I'll explain in a second)
>I'm dealing with other customers
>He's calling me over
>Now usually I just fucking ignore them until they decide to be decent people and come up and ask, where I direct them to the end of the counter so I can weigh their tickets easier
>I deal with all other customers so I'm forced to go over there
>He gives me a good 400 tickets
>Lol!
>Slice that shit by half
>Seeing as he is a niglet he can't even conceive how I cut his tickets by a drastic amount
>Tell him to not do that shit again and bring all his tickets up at once

Niglet finally listened.

I have a shit ton more of stories if you guys want to hear them, this is just the most recent one.