/biz/ - Business & Finance

What’s it like being a janitor at Goldman Sachs

>>16629121
How does your boss take his coffee

Are you Jewish? Do you have blue eyes? Do you live in upper east side?

>>16629121
why do you like sucking dicks

>>16629121
Data > Money
In fact, money is an inferior type of data.

Do you agree?

>>16629135
I've never gotten him coffee. We have interns, dude.

>>16629137
I'm not jewish but also not opposed to marrying into. I don't have blue eyes nor live in UES.

>>16629131
kek

>>16629121
Any interest in Pegnet from traditional markets yet? I know it's quite early still.

>>16629142
This is too general to mean anything. Data can help you generate money. Money can help generate money but, among other things, purchasing data. Everything is data.

>>16629155
No sorry bb nobody in traditional markets talking about this. Equity hedge fund world totally ignores

>>16629131
In Goldman Sacks janitors are being replaced by robots.

t. I worked in that building this year

>>16629121
Do you think Wall Street will genuinely be interested in buying BTC or ETH? Will it ever be anything more than niche investments like art

>>16629121
have you shilled chainlink to anyone at work?

You're 23 and you USED to work at an investment bank? What was your education like? Normal college?

>>16629121
1: Is cryptocurrency a good investment?

2: What dividend stocks would you recommend?

>>16629121
You're 23 and born with a silver spoon you don't know shit about anything

>>16629192
Education was at a pretty highly ranked university but was four years and normal. The biggest thing I did though was stop going to class when I was a Senior. I taught myself accounting and starting finding frauds. Best thing I ever did for myself was taking the time and care to actually develop a useful skillset. I didn't work at the investment bank for long. Wall street is a very unethical place. I dislike stupid liberals who just flippantly say so or speak from a place of ignorance. Very few liberals against "wall street" could even tell you what the business of an investment bank is. Anyway, my biggest issue with wall street is the inncessant promotionalism of terrible companies. These guys are pretty awful. "Equity reserach analysts" pump absolute shit so that the bank will get the deal -- those fees ultimately pay the equity research analyst. There was supposed to be regulation after dot com, and a "chinese wall", it's all bullshit. This is especially true and the worst at the smaller so-called "middle market" investment banks.

>>16629207
My friend, I came into this business with zero connections. I earned my spot by being better than everyone else trying to get my job, including those with connections. So please, sit down and don't pretend your victim complex makes you wise, interesting, or anything besides pathetic.

>>16629180
Can confirm, robots do clean floors now here

>>16629121
whats the current sharpe ratio of the hedge fund you work at?

>>16629255
are you white?

>>16629255
Bitcoin go up?

>>16629121

How fucked is the Eurozone?

>>16629390
Yes I am. I honestly think hedge funds are incredibly meritocratic though. Has to be one of the most meritocratic industries. You're only getting and staying in this job by performing.

>>16629397
you tell me

What would happen if you put the entire fund on out of the money options

>>16629121
Actually interested.

What school did you go to, and any specific tips you’d give an undergrad trying to do what you did? I’m talking about the sneaky, personal tips you’d give a friend, with details if possible. My GPA is shite so Im probably fucked but my little brother has potential for sure.

What is the culture like and how did you go from IB to HF so quickly?

Do you get to fuck the women that you work with?

>>16629488
My best advice is to actually figure out if this is what you'd like to do. The way to do that is by trying it out and actually trying to become an investor. If you like it, great this is the best start and if you don't you can move on and focus elsewhere. Actually try to become great at what you're doing because the only way anyone is going to be interested in speaking with you or giving you a job is if you have something valuable to them. My best recommendation is to actually try and become an investor -- do real primary research, create pitches, and invest in your own account. To me, this is the only way. It's the only way I accomplished what I did and the only type of person I would personally hire.

The culture at my fund is fantastic. I went from IB to HF because while in IB I spent all of my time outside of work finding interesting opportunities, doing reserach, and writing pitches. I found quite a few and was able to get a job at a hedge fund quickly. Sellside is not exactly my jam

>>16629647
i only have $100 to my name

>>16629493
Look at that pussy skin vacuuming that thick cock like an octopus. Beautiful sight

>>16629673
It doesn't matter. Skip the personal account. Do the research, it's far and away the most important thing. It's literally showing you can do the actual job.

>>16629700
How much link you hold

Anything you want to tell us today that can be profitable next year?

>>16629121
1bn is tiny

>>16629121
What's your salary? how many hours do you work a day?

>>16629121
What do you know about the recent repo crisis and upcoming global recession/collapse?

nice larp, very sagable

>>16629121
How much cocaine did you do, at JPMorgan? Especially in london?

>>16629647
Assuming I would be able to do everything you recommend, how would you advise me to get started? In terms of doing my research, are there any tools or assets I could use, things I could read that may accelerate the process- like, I could spend a lit of time finding the right things to put my time and energy into, or just doing that from the get-go.

I hope that last part makes sense but I think you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Any and all advice greatly appreciated.

>>16629752
Congrats, you just outed yourself as someone knows fuck all. Nobody in the hedge fund world would say $1b is tiny. <$150m is tiny. Many of the sickest strategies are unfortunately not that scalable.

>>16629759
I make about $130 and work ~80 hours a week. I work more than is asked of me. It's my first year.

>>16629765
It's a complicated topic I don't know a ton about. Check this out:
https://research-doc.credit-suisse.com/docView?language=ENG&format=PDF&sourceid=em&document_id=1081995001&serialid=3Wu3wFUMyBePtRtdFV1OMYgKjlWVo06EvleE1YFXV0o%3D&cspId=1767182447312478208&toolbar=1

>>16629790
watch this video. if you find this interesting then watch as many of these as you can
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI_riscmviI&t=4305s
Not a joke -- i did when i started. very very helpful. Hopefully answer to your question is clear after this video.

>>16629879
What are your 'make it' criteria, and what motivates you to perform? How do you structure your work, when do you know it's time to call it a day?

>>16629879
What kind of forward looking indicators would you say are good? PMI, NMI, Surveys?

>>16629916
Interested in this too

>>16629121
>fundamental long/short
what the fuck do you mean by this?

>>16630098
fundamental means fundamental (as opposed to technical) and long/short means long/short (as opposed to long only)

alright faggot i'll take the bait

1. minimum amount of work to show competency to faggots like yourself
2. how to secure capital in the form of investment or better yet, low interest loans from faggots such as thy-self
3. what are numbers that make your eyes pop out of your skull?

for example, some bullshit api I run on smart contracts, let's say zero cost and several thousand dollars in profit with looking to expand to billion dollar worth within one to two years

do you realize most hedge fund gets cucked by a simple passive index like sp500,

Ray dalio got completly recked by index and he is charging fees for underperforming and I am not talking 1-2% underperformance it's more like 10-15%

Basically hedge fund are a scam on the guillable thinking they will get more return because fancy people manage the money truth is if sp500 does 15% a year most hedge fund will do 10% or worse like ray dalio and do 4% LOL

It's a low key scam

>>16630146

also

how do i approach your faggot boss, what sort of email? what do i send over? do you guys find me?

I'd like to be the type of guy who gives you one sheet, profit, cost, net in bold 65px font for the old cocksuckers you work with and in five minutes explain why they should hand me a huge loan at minimum interest

i got a degree in business with 3.6 GPA
i am also finishing my mechanical engineering with 2.5 GPA
i am a thirdworlder and i got around 20k$ saved up and i will probably move to korea, vietnam or china with that money and do my masters there then possibly do a PHD or start working in an international firm.

i hate engineering and i am not really good at it.

my question is what should i do my masters degree on? i am thinking of economics/finance. what would you recommend?

>>16630146

daily* thousands in profit

>>16630161
just buy XRP and hold for 2 years. its going to 2k

>>16630146
Niggers are disgusting.

>>16630209
tldr that btc is a real thing what exists and is actually valuable

>>16629121

Is your hedge fund preparing for something like a correction soon?
Are there any secret meeting somewhere where you heard somehting about stonks or real estate collapsing?

>>16629852
1bn is tiny. I unironically work for a 10 bn fund which I consider rather small.

>>16629121
What the companies largest position long or short? Just the size not what it is.

I'm a commercial banking analyst and I'm getting an mba with a concentration in finance. I already have an undergrad in finance from a good public florida school.

After I get my mba do I have a chance at working for an investment bank? Is it even worth it or should I just climb the corporate ladder and fly the black flag and go work at whatever corporation will give me the most money?

LMAO at all the faggots in this thread asking serious questions to a literal larping zoomer that just cleans the floors in a hedge fund
pathetic, nobody here is gonna make it

>>16629852
>It's a complicated topic

Yeah I don't understand all that unfortunately. All I took from that is that banks seek to exploit every fix and are entirely motivated by the assumed right to exploit every fix and won't even pay lip service to any solution which doesn't contain an opportunity to exploit.

Which would leave us in a position where the reserve talks a hard game, implying that they are always on the cusp of letting it collapse, but the banks know they won't, so imply they are on the cusp of letting it collapse and the tiny margin in the middle is the compromise the reserve allows the banks to exploit.

Long game on that is somebody is getting stuck with the bill. Also that the banking system is a parasitical entity sustaining itself on the wider economy.

I've always been a little bit confused by how anybody makes money in the market or why it is worth even selling a share. For me to make consistent gains scaled up over time I need an infinite supply of undervalued companies to move my money into all the while I bleed taxes, fees and inflation. This means somebody somewhere loses, companies fold, startup money is lost, investment money is lost, on a global scale it really is quite terrifying. These sums of money must grow, for that to happen they must suck up money from everywhere else.

I guess don't even think of that. Just think about each trade in each moment and let tomorrow take care of itself as long as you get yours.

>>16629716
>9
this

>>16629706
Basically stop getting spoonfed on /biz/ and start doing the spoonfeeding.

GOT IT LINKTARDS?

>>16629145
>gotten

Q: when are you going to learn English?

What mental illness do you have that makes your larps feel like real life?

>>16630688
10bn is tiny. I unironically work for a 100bn fund which i consider rather small.

>>16629916
I would like to have my own fund so I'll say I've made it when my fund and its returns are widely known and respected for in a somewhat niche but popular strategy (trying to be discreet here). Alternatively, I'd say I've made it when I don't need to work anymore but still do for love of the game. To me this is likely a minimum ~$50m net worth.

Regarding motivation ... I have light aspergers and am totally obsessed with my work. Being a savage at my job is one of few things I care about.

I generally work until it gets too difficult to process information at a high enough level, so when I'm sleepy. So I sleep and then begin again

>>16629953
Not a macro guy, sorry

>>16630149
I think you're failing to realize the value of an uncorrelated product. S&P and hedge fund returns are frequently and incorrectly compared. Say you're fucking rich and need places to put your money ... sure you want plenty in the S&P, but not too much. You want some other equity exposure but uncorrelated to S&P. This is the point of hedge funds. It makes a ton of sense for this rich guy to invest in hedge funds as well as the S&P. It improves his overall portfolio.
That said, there are a lot of shit hedge funds and while it is improper to compare to S&P returns, it's generally thought the best funds do outperfom while also exhibiting lower volatility (risk adjusted returns). Most hedge funds do super suck on the basis you mentioned and just vaccum fees while generating shit returns. I'm happy to work at a fund that has outperformed.

>>16631655
>think you're failing to realize the value of an uncorrelated product. S&P and hedge fund returns are frequently and incorrectly compared. Say you're fucking rich and need places to put your money ... sure you want plenty in the S&P, but not too much. You want some other equity exposure but uncorrelated to S&P. This is the point of hedge funds. It makes a ton of sense for this rich guy to invest in hedge funds as well as the S&P. It improves his overall portfolio


> lower returns
> Improved his portfolio


Ok m8

>>16630146
it's kinda weird you wrote this up without reference to what strategy is run. Return and vol metrics are specific to strategy. Then you reference "several thousand dollars in profit" without referencing the asset base (i.e. whats the fucking return).
If you're doing automated crypto strategies, then you better get me a 6+ sharpe and a good reason why the edge doesn't fade over the next 1-2 years.
Anyway, no one is going to give you money with this overcompensating lost little boy complex you got going on. Just chill out, be humble, and keep learning

>>16631671

lol exactly this is a total larp

Why do you want less exposure to the S&P? So you can MAKE MORE MONEY when it goes down 50% like in 2008.

"I willingly accept lower returns." LOL!!!

>>16629121
hehe my fund is more profitable than yours
t. algo developer here

>>16630150
Rest assured, nobody is looking for you and your "bullshit api".
Is this bullshit api scalable to $1b?
The email looks like this: (1) intro to yourself, (2) I have this thing, here's vaguely how it works and the returns/vol, (3) heres the reason it's scalable and I'm the right person to do it, (4) wanna get to know each other?
I think 90% chance you're full of shit but good luck

>>16630161
Depends on what you'd like to do with your life my man. Ask and focus on that question first. The education at this point should be a means of achieving something more specific, not the path itself to figuring it out. Good luck man, finance does like engineers.
I would recommend vietnam and living a happy life.

>>16630675
We are ~market neutral so doesn't matter a ton. Our shorts would do very well in a correction and ideally longs wouldn't get too crushed.
Not any meetings I'm invited too, but a lot of people are very worried.

>>16630702
~$15m in either direction. Not very concentrated book

>>16630704
Are you sure you want to work for an investment bank? If you are, then do things to signal you'd be valuable to them. There's a wide range of banks and even without going to a great school you can definitely become a banker.

>>16629180
>worked at a company whose name he can't even spell

>>16631812
bankers are degenerate whores and will get the rope with the kikes, politicians and lawyers

>>16631671
>>16631780
point made is that hedge funds offer an uncorrelated equity return and this is why they get allocations.
Buddy never took a statistics class huh?
The point is to reduce volatility.
Obviously you'd prefer to invest in a hedge fund that does very well (again, while wrong to compre, one that "beats the market").

>>16631814
He just works in that building, probably as a jannie

>>16629121
te vagy az a magyar ? aaron talan

>>16629121
Birch Grove Capital or Light Street Capital?

>>16629255
>self taught accountant
>finding accounting fraud is easy
>works at goldman sachs
>

YOU BEST BELIEVE IN ACCOUNTING FRAUD MATEY....

>>16629255

OP at least share one pick. I have $50k I’d throw at an equity, shill me something

>>16629121
Why haven't you learned to code yet? Analysts are going the way of Vox writers

>>16629121
Huh, the larper again

>>16629121
what were your hours in ib and what are they at your current position? how did you manage?

>>16631850

Did it ever occur to your tiny larper brain that reduced volatility can lead to higher returns which I literally just pointed out without vague jargon?

Hey, I got a good one for you. Did you know when the market goes DOWN 50% you have to go UP 100% from that low point?! I learned it back in elementary school arithmetic!

Deep thinking in this topic.

>>16629131
destroyed

>>16631608
100bn is tiny. I unironically work for a 1T fund which I consider rather small.

>>16631608
>>16632982
>that AUM
God, I bet your funds performance is shit

I'm finishing up my senior year in college for a bachelors in accounting. 4-year degree, but I got it in 3 years by bringing over some highschool credits that applied for college. Is this a good background to get into finance, or should I stick around another year to get a second major in finance?

Over the years I've gotten into trading & finance, and I want to know how to get better. How do you research companies you're interested in? All I've learned in accounting is how to analyze financial statement ratios. How do I train to make myself appealing to an investment firm?

>>16629121
>I'm 23
Why would anyone care about an opinion of a child?

>>16633493
No one wants to work with someone who has no clue what they want to be good at. Figure out what it is you want to do, begin working toward being great, leverage that experience into getting a position where you are surrounded by people who are great, keep working. It sounds like you have no clue and to be honest you have it ass backwards.