/biz/ - Business & Finance

>HR came back your personality test and we'd like to discuss the results.

>>16279167
>fumbles nervously well, uh, I was trading shitcoins on a Chinese website

I left my job to finish my undergrad. I was financially stable enough to not need to work, thanks to my previous position.

>>16279167
Your company hires niggers and roasties, you think they're actually working right now?

>>16279191
Careful anon you might tear in the fabric of reality itself

>>16279167
>we just need a few references from your last few jobs anon, you DO have references right?

“Yeah I ended up putting a massive bet on a bunch of chink ICOs and practically being able to retire at 23. So I decided to travel for a year in a goal to understand humans, you need me more than I need you”

>>16279229
cringe

>We'll just need a few character references from the people in your life

>>16279180
>And were you successful?

Literally took this whole year off

Worth it

"I went back to school. Do you want me to get you the record offices number?"

>Tell us a bit about yourself

I did a bit of freelance work, worked with multiple startups in a consultant capacity, and ran a few websites. When it was good it was very good, during slower periods money was less, but workload remained high regardless.
I'm looking to apply my skillset to something more stable now that I'm looking to settle down and raise a family. Going through an employer the benefits are easier to manage and I expect there will be a better mork/life balance. My wife was feeling neglected as I tend to get absorbed in my work. I know you might think it odd I applied here after all that but I really see a lot of potential for growth and with my help I think we can really get this thing off the ground. I enjoy a good challenge and the more intimate feeling of smaller places. As a newer business we can employ a more agile strategy and spend more time with clients to deliver a better product than the places that have grown stagnant and rely on reputation and business 'as its always been done'. Things change quickly and any place that expects to keep the doors open ten years from now needs someone who understands the clients and their needs. My requested salary may seem high but you won't be disappointed. I've a mind for the bigger picture and am a self taught data analyst with my entire business model based on running A-B tests and focusing on atomization and scaling when not in direct contact with clients.

Corporations are full of bug men who hire other bug men. If you're ever infront of a panel of strangers you're pretty much fucked . The best jobs are always gotten through nepotism

>Ok anon so tell us a little bit about your hobbies...what do you like to do in your free time?

>>16279656
Unironically this but through my old job I networked with a former surgeon general and now I have a comfy government job.

>>16279228
>tfw my only real job was in an oil business investment company in 2013 when the price was $110 a barrel and the owner killed himself in 2014

>>16279167
Why does that photo look like a David Firth animation?

>>16280435
>the office manager was already 80 at the time and the other possible references were a guy named David Smith and a guy who needed a liver so hes probably dead too

>>16279514

I always smell my wife armpits, the sweetest smell and never fails to make my pp diamonds.

>>16280443
If you need a reference, I will give you my google voice number lmao. Drop contact deets, I am a white male also.

>>16280451
My wife's pits smell exactly like grapefruit, it's crazy hot. I get a boner every time I eat the fruit now. Oddly enough her feet have absolutely no smell to them whatsoever, that was a bit disappointing.

>>16280489
girl feet smell can be really hot anon

>>16279228
>Buy a few burner phones
>practice vocal impersonation
You now have a few ready references. Make sure to make voicemails for each one for the extra bullshit factor

>>16280851

anon that's actually pretty based

>>16280915
I think I got the idea from an episode of Law & Order sports utility vehicle, it had robin williams in it or something

>>16279167

>Looking for first job out of college
>At University career fair
>Give HR roastie my resume, shake hands
>Start giving my pitch, say I graduated 2 months ago
>Roastie interrupts me with "What have you been doing since then?"
>Take my resume back, turn 360 degrees and walk away
>Work for a much better/bigger local competitor now

>>16281021
roasties baka

>>16279167
I dont answer to niggers, women, or boomers. Our business is done here.

>>16280924
>sports utility vehicle

I'm glad I'm not the only one who says this

>>16279167
i'm still in uni but is this legit? i graduate in 2 years and want to travel a bit, especially if link moons
will i have to make up stuff? do employers really care?

>>16281109
Does anybody truly care? Of course not. But the 5:1 ratio of niggers and tranny women to productive workers have "fuck with them as much as possible" as their sole job responsibility. Bend over and take your diversity, faggot cuck.

>>16279183
unfortunately anon. were looking for someone who is passionate about their work. Not just doing it for a paycheck ;^)