/biz/ - Business & Finance

Sounds like a good way to lose a good friend

>>16051730
He needs to open up a cash only business and cook the books.

>>16051745
Isn't that an entirely new crime that he could get charged with?

>>16051730
He needs to get a job serving at a restaurant, preferably somewhere nicer or somewhere with a lot of customer volume. A bar or brewery will have high sales from alcohol. Keep cash in a duffel bag under his bed. Deposit money $500 at a time and pay taxes on it. I've worked at restaurants and bars where you can get upwards of $5-600 a night, if not up to $900-1000. He's going to need an accountant come tax season to help him jump through hoops because no decent restaurant would allow him to declare an extra $500 in tips on a night where he had $200 in sales

>>16051777
Nigger you are asking about how to launder money, that is illegal by default

>>16051777
A lesser of two evils. Pay your taxes. Take payments in credit card, pay employee/staff in cash. Squeaky clean. Massage parlor, caddy service, anything where you are selling a human service. Maid service, etc.

>>16051730
use cayman island banks, mail the money down there. deposit in cash.

how does he do it retard, credit card scams or drugs?

One of the few actual Uses of Crypto

>>16051895
I'd rather not go into detail about how the money is made unless it's relevant with the questions asked in the OP.

Nail salon

>>16051780
how much overtime shift tips at $500 a pop is he going to need to declare to cover $30k a week, jfi ?

>>16051730
>He's rather uneducated, and doesn't know a thing about finances, taxes etc.
>making 500k+ a year
Hmmm I wonder what op could be doing

>>16052081
you either tell us or you're just a larper

>>16051730
How can I make money like this?

>>16052294
Why is it relevant?

You're going to jail for abetting drug dealers dummy

>>16052432
it's relevant because you're asking a Malaysian basket-weaving forum advice on illegal activities and before we put ourselves on the line with legit suggestions we'd first like to be informed/entertained.

>>16051730
He got a part time job to explain 10k income a week? Lmao

Just say he was an early miner of Monero and cashed it out via Bisq. Ez but make sure you pay the taxes on it.

>>16052575
No high school diploma or GED, plus little work experience make it hard to get a job above minimum-wage even if it was full time.

>>16052072
That's pretty damn relevant actually. If we don't know where it's coming from we can't advise pretty well with allocation, estimate it's length of time, assume a safety net etc.

>>16052787
Drugs.

>>16052850
Like I said youre going to jail or end up taking a bullet. Find better friends and dont look back if he's making that much a week he isn't just peddling pot to high schoolers. Remember this warning.

>>16052909
That's why I'm helping him figure out an exit plan to go fully legit that doesn't involve death or prison

Use it to set up a brothel in Nevada.

>>16053014
You dont get it. He went from selling pot to dealing with heavy shit. He's already tainted and has contacts with killers. If you keep being his friend and actually help him with his criminal enterprise you are going to end up in a ditch or as Jamal's boitoy. There's no happy ending to this story so quit while you're ahead if you aren't larping.

>>16052614
This. Buy cryptocurrency, sell it and pay the gains on it.

>inb4 FBI

Just because you admit it doesnt make it OK. Please leave this board and never return officer.

Remember some fag yesterday said the NSA/FBI is stupid for lurking here

>>16051730
He bought kneepads ?

>>16052124
He just has to claim that his customers like him and are rich and tip him a lot or he runs into eccentric millionaires that like to tip big

>>16052850
Just get the fuck out

>>16053044
That's making quite a few assumptions. My friend is just someone who wants to go a better direction in life before it's too late and he loses everything. He's not some crime lord with a huge enterprise.

Even though his current lifestyle only leads to bad outcomes it cant be totally impossible to change the outcome for the better if he attempts to go legit right away.

>>16051730
Go watch Breaking Bad and just don't fuck up where Walter does.

Ez.

>>16053804
Your friend is involved with cartels and gangbangers even tonsome degree of separation. That money is cursed and will bring suffering to those who try use it. If he is paying you a cut for your help and you know where it comes from your greed will be your ruin. If you continue this path, when the inevitable happens and you are angry with the heavens, you will remember this and realize you were told what would happen in advance but chose to ignore it. The realization you have only yourself to blame will make it much worse. Cheers.

>>16053060
Fed anon here. USPIS, IRS, and Treasury all have intelligence branches that deal with the bloodhound type shit when it comes to money for FBI.

Don't worry OP I'm not here for you since this isn't my lane but you better make an exit plan pronto and think 5 steps ahead. You don't sound like you're going to get the hell out of dodge (best option) but if he isn't beholden to any distributors or managers (not likely) then you both could make a clean break.

Also if you're going to launder money you should definitely have or have someone with knowledge of tax law and irs codes...that's as far as I'm going with that.

You don't sound bad and its easy to be on either side of the law. Just don't get killed and invest in a lawyer.

Wow it's glowing bright as high noon in here.

>>16051730
Take money buy DCR and stake it for 10pct roi

He will thAnk you later

>>16051730
One of the few ways to keep your money safe is in cash or some other form of it i.e. precious metals etc. Just go 50-50 gold/cash and then hide it somewhere in your apartment in a wall or undergound where if the feds need to find it they would have to destroy the house.
The other way is swiss banks they have a confidentiality policy again go 50-50 swiss banks and swiss funds and you are good to go.
The third way is the safest ,pay the taxes nigga (~30%).
As for his expenditures just get a credit card and pay it off in time with cash so it will be seen as he is just paying off a debt each month, they cant really put him in jail if its official money he got from the bank and then paid them back.In time try to increase the credit limit on the card so he can fuly enjoy his reaches.
If you want investments it still going to rouse suspicion.You would have to take big loan from a bank, invest in gold, indexes etc and then pay off the debt to
/part1

>>16051730
>>16054788
... the banks in a reasonable amount of time, profits will match his illegal income, and then just continue raking in the profits while having a fat safety pillow of illgal hard cash.

>>16051730
dont jews use real estate and other financial instruments to disguise their ill gotten gains?

>>16053924
Jesus you fucking dense moron falling for the "asking for a friend" meme.

>>16051730
That's a lot of money and would take a lot of effort and skill to wash it. Best you can do is figure out a way to store it safely in many different locations.

>>16051730
He needs a cash business like vending machine, car wash or arcade to wash that money

If he wants to store the money safely.

step 1 : go to any store that sells paysafe or whatever. Fill up that card with x amount of money. Fill it up nicely, but not too much, that would be suspicious maybe.
Step 2 : Repeat step 1 untill you have gotten rid off all your cash.
Step 3 : Buy usdT / Eth or another stablecoin.
Step 4 : I dont fucking know, at least the money is stored online instead of physical now.

tl;dr set up a shell business and put the cash through a local podunk credit union

OK, all y'all nigs better sit down. I have working in anti-money laundering for about two and a half years now for two different banks (one fairly large based in PNW, one VERY large and based in US/Canada). I won't comment on the ethics of laundering money except that what goes around comes around, and no one makes that kind of cash without getting blood on their hands... and it WILL come back to you.

Anyway, everything in this post is entirely theoretical and does not construe an approval of how to launder money. I am simply describing what I have learned through my work experience and what I have seen in the AML field. I've screened literally hundreds of different customer types and I am simply sharing some thoughts and observations...

1. Basics: every time a customer deposits or withdraws over $10,000.00 in cash in total to all their bank accounts in a single day, it triggers something called a Currency Transaction Report which gets sent to FinCEN and pretty sure the IRS has a look too. Banks not only look for customers who file CTRs, they look for customers who habitually dodge the CTR filing threshold (i.e. $5,000.00 a day on several consecutive days). This is called structuring and is a red flag. Don't do stupid shit like structuring, in fact it is better to deliberately deposit cash more than $10,000.00 in a day on a pretty regular basis... because somehow, the fact that you don't care about the filing requirement is a good thing.

(continued)

(continued)

2. Cash deposits are examined mostly on whether it makes sense for the customer type and the frequency of deposits. Cash-intensive businesses = gas stations, laundromats, convenience stores... whatever back office analyst is looking at your cash is probably thinking "yeah that makes sense" and clears the item from his queue as he thinks about banging Becky over in treasury. If you're not a cash-intensive business, i.e. just some dude who slaps $150,000.00 in his bank account one day, it can be written off as a one-time occurrence but more likely he'll ask the branch to give you a call and ask why you're dumping $50,000.00 in cash into your account every week (assuming the teller hasn't already asked you when you brought the cash in). So, have your backstory straight before you try any of this out.

3. Of course, once your backstory is established with the bank and you've been making deposits for a while, the bank will run EDD on you (which means you're extra high risk and they need to make double dog sure your story is straight). This includes internet searches for your business, CLEAR/LexisNexis/whatever, even site visits, i.e. they will actually send someone out to your business to make sure everything is legit and you don't have a secret Bitcoin ATM or whatever. But, smaller banks with crappier AML programs can't afford to do this, i.e. Mom and Pop Local Credit Union. So, no Chase, no Bank of America, if it has a footprint outside your state, probably not worth it.

4. Cash goes into bank account = placement, funds move to a different account via check/ACH/wires/whatever, - layerings, funds are used for legit business transactions or to buy more figurines of Rei for you to jizz on = integration.

5. I already said no structuring, but seriously don't do it! This is the biggest red flag and every faggot who tries to launder money (i.e., you) thinks they are cheating the system. They're not, and we are specifically looking out for this.

6. No sudden spikes in activity: keep the cash flow relatively constant and even, making sure to deposit over the CTR threshold every once in a while. Do stuff with the cash to make it look legit, here's one I like: bring in cash every day, and on Mondays bring it in three separate bags (because you can't deposit cash on weekends, so if you separate it out like that it looks like Saturday's cash + Sunday's cash + Monday's cash). Ask for change back sometimes. Ask the tellers to break up 100's into 20's, fives, tens, whatever sometimes. Don't just deposit all 20's and 100's like some mongoloid. Break it up into smaller denominations, don't just do round dollar amounts.

8. BE NICE TO THE TELLERS AND BRANCH STAFF. They are the "first line" of defense and are the bank's face when they are looking at your activity (because they will). If they think of you as a nice, charming young man who's been so successful in his new business, they won't give you much thought and will be annoyed when some douchebag in the back office wants them to ask you a bunch of probing questions.

Not sure what else to put, other than you are dumb and don't do this, but hey I'm not going to stop you.

>>16051730
put you wealth in gold bullion, purchase in cash and bury it in the middle of nowhere. make a map and tattoo it on your inner thigh so you know where it is

>>16051730
Literally kys

Buy cash to bitcoin service, take bitcorns and sell it on Bisq for Monero, say it's from early mining.

Ez.

Reminder that drug dealers and addicts will be purged

Maybe he could say he made it all trading crypto on a decentralized exchange. Idk how he could transfer all the cash to crypto without using a bank transfer though. Like if he somehow at least transfered all the money to monero he could say there's no transaction trail since monero transactions are encrypted.

>>16057335
Do the bitcoin atms let you deposit cash? Would any of those services even take 10k plus on hand cash...

>>16057023
>>16057082
>>16057149
Based shady accountant

>>16051730
Take out a loan for a laundromat, write you get reasonable money for a laundromat and claim you used profits to pay off the loan or buy more property.

Yea this thread isn't glowing to fuck or anything

>>16051942
>put untraceable cash into a traceable crypto account
You realize they want to get rid of cash for a reason right goy?

>>16053014
>i'm gonna help out my friend and i'll know everything about how he is hiding his money surely he will let me live knowing his secrets knowing I am on a public forum where my ip can be tracked down asking questions for my friend where there is now a digital trail
You are every bit the fucking idiot your friend is holy shit delete this thread you fucking retard.

>>16057839
Some people larp with swords, some with yarmulkes, and others with fake cash. Don’t flip your wig glowie, you’d be a fool to take anything posted here at face value ;)

>>16051730
Giving financial advice without the correct certifications is illegal in the USA. Your friend could probably sue you if he wanted to.

>>16051730
Crypto is the best way to launder massive amounts of money. You can buy a bunch of bitcoin/eth using cash through bitcoin ATMs and then disperse the coins into different wallets. Then you do an IPO of a random coin and pay some pajeet to make a website hyping it up, and transfer up to millions of dollars worth of BTC to buy that coin during pre-sales etc or premine it and sell at an inflated price after a year of holding. You can even wash trade the new crypto to establish realistic looking volumes for a few months. After you've established long term capital gains tax status on your money, you can sell off the newly transfered bitcoin that you sold to yourself and pay a measly 20% fee for fully laundered untracable cash. This is cold hard USD from being a meme crypto guy and traveling to meme conferences. You wont be questioned at all because it looks the same as every other crypto IPO.

>>16057775
You're fucking stupid m8. Do you honestly think a guy with no bank account has the credit history to get loan?

Posting in epic OP eventually goes to jail thread

>>16051730
Just say you hired him to teach you how to trade stocks

>>16051730
Your friend starts a business that takes cash payments only. For example a food establishment.

Your friend creates fake purchases and pays tax on the restaurant gains.

>>16057082
>>16057023
>>16058588
Thank you for the time to write out these steps in detail. He's looking into the requirements on purchasing a local convenience store from its current owners. It's not part of a larger branch and is owned by some friendly pajeets that are intending to sell it to other pajeets but are considering selling it to my friend since he's been visiting it since his childhood.

It is pretty difficult to figure out a convincing backstory for him. My friend's idea was to open up an account with a local credit union and make one large deposit, possibly storing a good portion to at least half of what he saved into the account and the rest in regular payments once he has ownership of the pajeet mart.

He's 22 years old though with little education and very little work experience and comes from a poor, working-class family, so we're worried that'll get in the way of him getting all the necessary permits and licensing to own the Pajeetmart.

Is applying for a business loan from the bank a good idea or can he even get one without having ever opened a bank account or no credit score? Also will his initial large deposit be looked into as more than a "one-time occurance?"

I'm assuming the regular, steady deposits should only start being made once he's gain full ownership of the Pajeetmart?