/biz/ - Business & Finance

where do you see this company in 5 years

How would you like to come over to my place for coffee?

where do you see doge in the next 6 months?

>>146738
Would you like to sell me this pen?

I am familiar with the tasks but how would a regular day look like for me?

>w-w-when can I start?
How cliche is this response?

how do you stock market

>>146743
I love this answer. Alternatively something like
> What is this company's greatest weakness?
> What is this company's long term goals?
I think the humour should earn you a spot in their memory.

>>146738
What's YOUR greatest weakness, faggot?

if you could go back in time and replace one of those questions with a meaningful one, what would you ask?

What question that you are not allowed to ask me would you like to ask me the most?

>>146738

>What do you enjoy most about working with company?
>Why do you think I would be a valuable employee?
>Would company pay for me to do a master's degree?
>What kind of career opportunities would I have after x years?
>How does company do things differently compared to company?

do i have to give you my facebook password?

>>146892
Are you single and are you a homosexual? Or would you be interested in a promotion?

Did Hitler do nothing wrong?

How does this company promote or do they bring in people from the outside?

hr people here if there are any, what are the correct questions to ask?

Of the people you've hired who have come into this position and done well, what kinds of qualities did they tend to have in common?

What's your opinion on the work environment here?

>>147106
How did this company get started?

>>146738
What can this company do for me?

>what happened to the last guy?
I also ask any benefit terms that have not been mentioned, probation period guidelines, dress code, etc.

Did you fart?

>>146743
gonna steal this question

>>147131

>not researching the company beforehand
>thinking your lack of knowledge will impress HR

>>147131
Literally the worst answer

>>146738

>Yes, am I hired or is this the point where you say we'll contact you soon and I never hear from you guys again and when I call the office you're always in a meeting or something. Cause if I'm not hired you can just say that now and save us both the trouble fucking faggot.

No, everything was clear.

this is so annoying, I end up asking two more series of questions afterwards. and then the third time they ask, are you sure you don't have any more questions?

Thank you, your answers have been very comprehensive and I thank you for addressing any concerns or questions whatsoever.

>>147158
It depends on the company. I recently asked that question in an interview for an accounting job at a small firm that barely exists on Google. In that case, it's actually a really important question to ask because it gives insight into the relationships between partners. I ended up getting the job.

>>147225
They wonder why they can't get jobs. They probably got turned down once and turned into bitter assholes from that point on.

>>147225
LOL'd!

>"Do you like My Little Pony?"

>Who /biz/ here/? You /biz/ here?

Question I always use because it impresses the fuck out of any interviewer:

How would you describe your corporate/business culture?

Are pornography sites blocked on the company computer?

is there anything I can look up on the internet or library that would help me learn the ropes quicker once I start

Do you support an unconditional basic income?

>>147386
how does that impress them? sounds like jargon, maybe if they watch a lot of cnbc and bloomberg they might like it, I don't know

>Is the position I am applying for available because the company is requiring a greater workforce or because the previous employee was let go?

>>147441
Why would this matter?

>>147469
If the person quit I would like to know why. Same if he was laid off.

>>147388
Died.

>>147493
How would you know if he was fired or he quit based on that question.

Also wouldn't that be inappropriate to ask?

Well this video fits this thread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Q4OR42JXo

>>146738

Best answer is to ask about the job, make them start training you in the interview.

>>147521
how?

"What would a typical day involve?"

That is what I always ask.

>>147523

ask them what the day to day it like, be like how does this company handle doing X, What do you normally do when X happens.

>>147500
No, you can ask that more generally. "So, what happened to the last person (or last few staff members0 that held this position?"

They were fired - inquire why maybe it was a laziness thing, not hitting goals

They were promoted - great, get into asking them what promotional opportunities there are

It's a win win question in my opinion. Also based on their tone and choice of words in describing them, you can see if you will get along with the hiring managers, etc.

>>147500
I don't think so. What if the job is incredibly stressful, or something inappropriate happened? What if he died on the job? I'd like to know these things.

>>147225
You will never get an answer for that question unless the HRfuck is already sucking your dick.

Are your employees able to have a good work-life balance?

I have a legitimate fear of being pressured into 100-hour weeks where all I have time to do when I get home is go to sleep. I mean once you're in that cycle, you don't even have time to grocery shop, or run errands, or fix shit around the house, let alone find a date and start a family.

>>147778
Interviewer interpretation: "I don't want to work hard."

>>147778
>I have a legitimate fear of being pressured into 100-hour weeks where all I have time to do when I get home is go to sleep.
Depends on the business. I know with some, they don't worry about hitting goals and pushing for everyone to be top players.
They see that your life outside your job is just as important.
Though I don't see you working for Valve, Shermin Williams, Smuckers, or the Boston Beer Company.

Different businesses have different approaches and if they're a big company, you should be able to find out, what type of approach they take.

I love these kinds of threads

>>146738
FUCK I hate that question

I never quite know what to say

>What do you think about the effectiveness of job interviews?
>Why do you choose sociable dumb people over unsociable smart people?
>Did you just google those fucking questions or what?

>>147500
No. It's a great question to ask.
Basically, why is this position available. Growth or replacement.

>>147778
>100-hour weeks
But that overtime pay anon, so good.

>>149029
>overtime pay
>implying it's not all unpaid, as always
Get real.

>>149072
Well yeah in that case fuck that.
Unless I'm getting paid $60/h for my normal hours.

>>149072
>unpaid

so you work a standard paid 40 hours or whatever and then is expected to work for free for the rest?

>>149079
Happens often enough. Just look at the American job market, why do you think everyone is afaid to go on fucking vacation? Oh my god everyone else is putting more hours in if I don't do this crazy shit that leaves me with no personal life I will be laid off!

>>146767
that's incredibly professional. why did i never come up with this-

>>149084
Asking what a typical day is like at work is a pretty common question

>>149082
>Happens often enough

what the FUCK americans

i'm moving back to my 37hr/week union-dominated country

>>149082
punch in and out

then if you quit/get fired, sue for back wages

it's illegal not to pay it

>>149079

It is like that in big law firms at least. Usually have around 80hours week, and it never came to my mind to ask for overtime. Also I don't take my holidays so I don't look like a weak faggot.

>>149072
Legally, any overtime you work must be paid. There is no legal way to do free overtime.

>>149363

You're going to get a big shock once you get out of college.

>>149380
I've been working for 8 years.

In California, where I work, overtime work *must* legally be compensated with overtime pay.

If you document your overtime work that your boss *approved*, you are legally entitled to ask for backpay when you leave the company. And they are legally obligated to pay you.

Now in many many many cases, especially for salaried professionals like myself, nickel-and-diming your employer for every minute you work past 5pm isn't practical or necessary.

But the law clearly states that if your boss asks you to work past your contracted hours, they're obligated to cough it up.

>>149363
>>149380

To elaborate, have a look at the recent PWC case:

Now this case is just being dragged out, but the fact that there is an exemption under californian law for "(b) Who is primarily engaged in an occupation commonly recognized as a learned or artistic profession." should tell you all you need to know about your chances of getting paid overtime.

>>149363
What is salary dad?

>>149397
In California, where you work, overtime does not need to be compensated if you fall within the "professional" exemption.

Since 2011 some PWC auditors have been trying to sue California over their overtime pay and tbh the only reason their case stands a chance is that they're claiming being an auditor (at the level they were out) should not be covered under the professional exemption due to the lack of requisite professional judgment.

>>149413
Should read "sue PWC in California" not "sue California". Case is Campbell v. PricewaterhouseCoopers

>>149413
It's a shitty exemption, but only certain kinds of professionals:
http://www.dir.ca.gov/dlse/Glossary.asp?Button1=E#employee%20in%20the%20computer%20software%20field

>>149413
And even then those with accounting degrees and those that are managers or work outside of california haven't even been able to sue. I work in Ohio and an employer here refused to pay me overtime(I was hourly it was ridiculous) a lawyer told me they had broke the law but that the couple grand they owed me was too low to be worth pursuing.

>>149413
As a source to my previous statement:
http://www.dir.ca.gov/dlse/faq_overtime.htm

And here are the exemptions:
http://www.dir.ca.gov/dlse/faq_overtimeexemptions.htm

Don't be a sheepherder, you don't get overtime apparently.

>>149426
an california is the most regulated labor market(one reason why they have so much illegal labor) so what do you think will happen in the other states?

>>149418

Yes, but to be clear it's not just computer professionals.

https://www.dir.ca.gov/dlse/Glossary.asp?Button1=P

It covers basically anyone "Whose work is predominantly intellectual and varied in character (as opposed to routine mental, manual, mechanical, or physical work) and is of such character that the output produced or the result accomplished cannot be standardized in relation to a given period of time."

The only right answer is:

>"When can I start?"

>>146743
You are one cheeky cunt, m8, i swear.

>>149029
if you're expected to work 50+ hours a week EVERY week, you're probably going to be be compensated on a salary basis....companies aren't stupid

>>149355
Law firms and the management consultancies are different animals though with the up or out policy and partnership at the end of the road.

>>146762
we need more pen threads

>Let's turn things around...why should I want to work for your company?

This type of question usually shows that you are not some beta faggot and usually earns you points if your interviewer is not a total cunt.

Megan Fox or Jessica Alba?

>>149664
Megan Fox
Alternatively,
>3dpd

>>149664
Both.

Bro tip: if you ever get a joke question like "pick between these two great things" always say both. It shows drive

>>149546
Honestly, the interviewers are so proud of the company that the reasons why would slip out?

You could ask in a less direct way. While it may seem "alpha", it could backfire just as easily and would not be worth it in my opinion.

"What sets x apart from the industry/its competitors?"

>>149664
Kate Mara

>>149734
>not even the superior Mara

So whats the deal with that hot nigger receptionist?

>>147441
Depending on the company and position, this is potentially a very poor question because it can scream lack of basic research or common sense. The wording's pretty poor, if you want to know why they're recruiting just ask them straight.

>>149355
If you act like a doormat you are going to look like a weak faggot.

>>149745
A Rooney/Kate threesome in the owners box of Heinz field is a dream of mine

>>149775
[hiring intensifies]

So how many other candidates do you still have to interview for this position?

>>146852
>> What is this company's greatest weakness?
>> What is this company's long term goals?
stealing this idea

>>147760

>Working at HR
>Not sucking cock on a daily basis

So at what point after I walked in the door did you decide to give me the position? It tends a couple of seconds tops, but you look a bit fucking slow, so I wanted to clarify.

>>150368
Ha ha. We'll call you if we think you're right for the position.

>>150382
Cut the cute talk tinkerbell. I'll start this monday and get to work filing the monthly reports for clients. Have someone send me a coffee when I arrive, 9am, double espresso, no sugar. Have a good day boss.

>>150409
>y-yes anon, congratulations on your new position. N-no, no need to call me boss.

>>146738
yeah when is this interview over, i wanna go get fucked up

also how many vacation days do i get

>>150422
365, because we don't like your attitude. Get the fuck out of my office.

Does your wife suck a good cock? Just trying to make a good long term decision.

>>150425
good news, i was just testing how you react under pressure and you passed

now for my real list of questions--here, let's switch chairs

i'll be you, and you pretend to be me. ready?

>>149363
hurr what is exempt status

>>150431
O-oh. Okay then.

>I like this guy, he has a set of balls.

Shoot.

>>147398
I have reason to believe that cost me one of my interviews.

It may demonstrate a lack of intuitive resourcefulness.

>>149453
Getting the fuck out of my office? Right now. You presumptuous little cunt. Melissa, call security.

>>150434
what are three things in this office that you would NOT put up your ass in order to get this job? remember, there are no right answers

>>150458
>>150434
>>150431
>>150425
>>150422

>Should I dress business casual, formal?

>>150458
Haha. Okay anon, we like you. You've got the job. But first, I gotta ask, how do you feel about you and me kicking and back and visiting uncle charlie for a bit while you tell me about how many hookers you bang on a weekly basis?

>>150467
You call that a question? Go buy a pair of panties and have a good jerk off in the back of the cab home, because you haven't got the job limp dick.

Companies frequently get people that are just looking for other offers to boost their current main one. They want to know that you're actually interested in working there. Ask about the things you would want to know before devoting 8 hours a day to them (work life and intra-company social life).

I wouldn't recommend asking about their support for your education, since it means to them that you might not be staying with them for long. You need to find out who's hiring. Is it some guy on behalf of the company or some guy on behalf of a team? The company guy might want to see "further my education". The team guy probably does not.

Stalk company employees (google, facebook, linkedin). Stalk team employees if you know the team. Find out what they like. They're going to have to deal with you for 8 hours a day, and they want to know that you'll have something in common with them (ie. that you're tolerable). If it's an intense workaholic team, you better sound like a workaholic. If it's laid back, you better not sound like a complete workaholic (though I don't think a little bit ever hurts).

>>146738
Do you have unlimited vacations?

>>150478
let's bounce, these faggots can live without us for one afternoon right

also, here is my letter of resignation

>>150538
>shit, this guy's is too good to let go. I'm losing him...

You're a funny guy. Save the resignation letter for the joke book, how do you feel about fucking my 18 year old super model girlfriend?

>>150553
The same way I'd feel about fucking my mom outta her life's savings for a quick buck. Where's she at?

>>146738
Sure. Fast-foward 15 years. Your daughter is 18. If I fuck her brains out on a regular basis, can I be sure that you won't be a whiny little faggot about it?

>>150575
Come on, I'll show you, my apartment is in upper east side Manhattan. Lets do a couple of lines. You mind if I watch, and pleasure myself while you give my woman a hard dicking?

>>150593
>>150553
This is getting hot.

>>150606
Welcome to Wall Street kid.

>>150593
I'd be offended if you didn't want to witness my virility in action.

The only thing I have a problem with is waiting until we get a good view of the park to start doing lines. Buckle up, big wig because it's about to start snowing

>>150624
>He's on the hook

Lemme get a razor and a 50 dollar bill. It's a special occasion.

The rest of you can get the fuck out. Also, you're all fired, I don't want you raisin dicks to spill all this to corporate. I'll throw in a severance package so it's easier to break the news to your ugly fucking wives.

Let's go anon.

>>150647
A $50 bill? What's the special occasion, did you get approved for food stamps?

I don't put anything up my nose that hasn't been through 3 inches of ivory and gold first.

You know what, I'm still going to fuck your girlfriend, but you won't be watching because you'll be a little bit busy standing in the unemployment line. Pack your bags, kiddo, because you're fired too.

>>150673
>Fuck, I can't afford to fuck up, I just fired my whole team for him.

Look. You can have my girl, and my apartment. Why don't you let me suck your dick right here, right now, and you use my Black American Express card to cut some lines, and you can use the deed to the block to snort, or if you prefer you can use my framed collector's Woodrow Wilson $100,000 dollar bill to powder yourself. Then maybe we can talk about you letting me keep my job. Please anon, I'm fucking begging you here.

>>150722
I'll give you two options. Leave the building through the front door or over the side of the roof. Hurry up because I've got deals to make

>/biz/: ERP edition
/tg/ would be proud and fapping

Do your kids play Pokemon?

>>150745
Just treat her well, o-okay?

You really are cut out for this business. As to your question anon? I hope you remember this while your fucking my wife, you dirty, glorious cunt.

Let them all now how big a dent I made on the fucking side walk. Here I go anoooooo---*CRACK*

>>150765
No, but I do. What is your current party for your Gen I speedrun anon? Remember, there are no wrong answers.

>>150785
I did a emerald speedrun in 3 and a half hours

>>150785
The same team on the Twitch Plays Pokemon. You keep up with social experiments for marketing purposes right?

>>150795
I wasn't serious anon. Take your children's games elsewhere and fuck off.

>>147405

sorry for the late reply. For anything except an executive job it feels like a big criteria they look for is someone who would mesh well with their company and the people in it, if you act like you care about that too, it helps establish a connection

>>150804
yes we have adult games to play

such as losing all our money on shit investments

Pretend you're in my position, what questions would YOU ask?

>>147388

You fucker, you have me giggling in the middle of a lecture

>>148996
Sociable people are actually smarter.

it takes intelligence to communicate and network effectively

autists/chinese people can compute facts and data, and perform rote tasks well but cannot create, and cannot work as a team etc

>>146738
What I want to ask

>Would company pay for me to do a master's degree?
>What are the opportunities of being moved into different positions at this company
>Are there any opportunities of working at international locations of this company
>How many vacations days do I receive or is it unlimited
>How much am I going to be paid and what are the other benefits
>What are the perks of coming up with idea that the company latter patents

What I will say

>Um... No...
>When will I start

>>146738
>congrats anon, you've been hired, do you have any questions for us?
How many vacation days do I get?
>2 weeks
Great, I'll see you two weeks from now, can't wait to start!

Is it acceptable to ask what you're actually going to get fucking paid for graduate positions?

They never tell you on the websites or applications, and 'asking about salaries' is always one of the first no-nos people talk about with interviews.

I know the average salary i should be getting for the shit I've applied for, but I don't know what they're actually going to give me

Do you that feel when no gf?

>>151618
Ummm, no, I have a waifu, thanks.

Yeah um what time will this interview be done I was already accepted at your competitors workplace because they hired me on the spot and skipped the obviously underqualified next applicants that are probably lined up outside your building. But if your paying more I guess I could let you goys utilize my skills

Your office has a very large and very nice printer. You called me to this interview because you liked my resume which just begs the question:

>Why did you make me print out and bring a copy of my resume from home?

Yes. When can I start?

>>146824

Its cliche, but its cliche for a reason. It works. You say "yeah, I got a question". Then you lean over with squinted eyes, and with a slight nod of your head you say cooly "when can I start". The the camera cuts to a jet flying off into the sky, and pans down to you carrying a briefcase looking at your new island home and nodding while smiling. Nothing can go wrong with "when can I start".

>>151281

>autists cannot create

Nigga do you even artists

And you don't need to work as a team. A team is only ever one fucker doing 90% of the work anyway

>>151718
Frankly, Mr....Anon was it? Your resume isn't even worth the paper it's printed on.

>>151846
So you guys just called me in to kill time and look busy just like the 15 other applicants?

>>151846
If you slip the interviewer some money if they hire you, will it work?

>>151846

You'll take that back or I'll cut your jew nose of and shove it up the Asians ass, prick.

Yes, I am not really a shy person, it's just that your cleavage has distracted me this entire time. May I fuck you abruptly on your desk for 5 minutes then we can start over?

>>152100
>interview with Goldman Sachs
>slip the guy $20

No problem, it'll definitely work

>>152188
>Are you saying 5 minutes is the most you can last Mr. Anon? The last guy went for 25.

>>152200
I don't have a degree, but am working towards aerospace engineering. If I put together a fake resume, said "Lol I lied..." then passed over 10,000 dollars, saying "But this isn't a lie..." do you think Goldman Sachs would hire me?

>>152188
>tfw you will never interview with Dylan Ryder for a company position while she fucks you and asks interview questions.
pornhub viewkey 2128126118

>>152238

Yes. 5 minutes. The salary listed is $60,000-65,000. I just explained the years of experience I have in the position which you said no other candidate has. And you offered me $60K? So 5 minutes is all you deserve.

>>152238
It's not a matter of how long I can last, it's a matter of how long you can.

>>152244
>am working towards aerospace engineering

>do you think Goldman Sachs would hire me?

>>152258
>2014
>not bribing your way into positions you aren't qualified for so you can fuck hookers and do coke all day at work

Where's the gym?

>>146738
yes. Who was phone?

>>152261
>implying you aren't a neet bro with based delusions
toppest kek of 2014

>>147388
lolling at work