/biz/ - Business & Finance

A horse walks into a bar, so the bartender says, why the long face?

>>14053965
Tell us the joke

>>14053965
>told a joke at work
>"anon i hate when you try to tell your stupid jokes"
>coworkers agree

Irish man walks out of a bar.

what do you call a snail that drinks coffee? espresscargo

Why did the Linkie cross the road?
To be a faggot on the other side!

>>14053965
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his fly.
>"Oy Matey, there is a steering wheel coming out of your fly!"
>"Arrgggh, it be drivin' me nuts"

Crickets.

>>14053965
>told a joke at work
>"anon you can't say that about jewish people, please come see me in my office"

>>14054026
>thank you anon, for coming into my office.
>so you browse pol too I see.

*ahem
So, a mushroom walks into a bar.
Sees a beautiful girl, and asks her if she'd like a drink.
She says no way!
>Why not? I'm a fungi

>Tell unfunny jokes on purpose
>Everyone laughs for no reason
How am I supposed to feel about this

>>14054035
my old manager at the restaurant i worked at in high school tried to redpill me and i didn't understand, we got drinks after i turned 21 and talked for a few hours about how much i'd learned. pretty comfy

>>14054043
we live in a society

>>14053965
tell us the fucking joke what the fuck

>>14054043
Youre either really attractive/cool or really retarded, anon.

OP is a faggot

>>14053965
Tell us the fucking joke faggot

If you were a Chad with charisma you could tell this worlds lamest joke and get bitches to laugh.

>>14054083
I don't like bragging and I've never had friends so I'll just have to go with retarded if those are my options

>Anon sweats as he musters up the courage to interact with co-workers in the lunch area
>Hey...Hey..,eh guys... I have a joke..
>Everyone looks round with a disapproving look that anon has interrupted their conversation
>ehh...what do you call a gnome with his head up a fairy’s skirt?
>silence as the disapproving looks now turn to disgust
>a goblin!!!

>>14054115
FUCKING KEK!!!
OP IS A FUCKING FAGGOT

a black man walks into a bar with his son

>>14053965
>coworker doesn't do anything all day but browse the web
>finish big projects that drained my life force to finish
>she exaggerates her involvement to management to the point where they think she did almost all the work
>call her out on stealing credit for my work but I am autistic and she is charismatic
>she gets extra vacation days and other perks as a reward
>I get nothing and now everyone thinks she's way more capable than me

I wish I grew up more social, being in this corporate hell is unbearable

>>14054004
2 men walk into a bar, the third one ducked

>>14054217
You may be 100% right anon but you'll never get what you want by sperging out in the corporate world. GET EVEN INSTEAD. Put your autism to work baiting her into a trap that exposes her and potentially even ruins her life. Think about it, if you are actually smart enough to be doing 99% of the lifting already what is a little bit of social engineering to take down your enemy? Fuck her shit up in ways that only a 9000 iq autist can. She probably won't even know it was you. Fuck em.

>>14053975
Shit
>>14054004
Nice
>>14054010
Shit
>>14054016
Shit, Link please leave /biz/
>>14054019
Shit
>>14054041
Shit
>>14054043
>say really cynical shit
>people laugh like I'm joking
I understand you

>>14053965

1 post by this ID

Normally I'm a quiet autist but I made a joke once about a cat being sucked into a turbine and everybody burst out laughing, it sounds morbid but we work with turbines and shit so it made sense in the context of that particular situation

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you didn’t already tell her twice heh

>>14053965
Worst part is when you work at a place where high level management tells unfunny jokes and expects you to laugh as the majority of your coworkers laugh (idk if it's genuine). Next thing you know you laugh for the sake of not getting fired. That really makes me mad. Ive had my supervisor tell me "its a joke anon" after purposefully not laughing. Lol

>>14053965
I knew a milf who fucked retards. It was her hobby and she was open about it. She told me that it felt wonderful being able to provide romantic love and intimacy for people who struggled so hard to understand the world. The way she described it was like being fucked by an animal, since they operate on instinct when it comes to sex. Most are chronic masturbators and desensitized to sustained contact, so retards fuck hard, long, and are very selfish. She enjoyed seducing them, and the way they reacted when she let on that she was serious and wanted them to mount her. She told me that she never used condoms when she was fucking retards, not because she liked them, but because it was degrading and thrilling for such terribly misshapen people to cum inside of her and get her pregnant. According to her, she had aborted 15 retard babies over the years. Think about that. Think about how much sex with retards she had to have been having to get knocked up with downie spawn 15 times. She was hot as fuck even at 40 but after knowing that possibly a hundred or more 'tards had their way with her over the years, I couldn't bring myself to try and seduce her. She seemed really into me though, and I'm not really sure why.

>A black guy, a Mexican and a Jew walk into a bar
>The bartender looks up and says "get the fuck out"

>>14054324
Laughed out loud for real anon.

>>14054346
kek. I think I know why

>>14054346
>tfw milfs fuck actual retards
>virgin

>>14054346
10/10

>>14054321
Similar situation I was hanging out with some normies at lunch this one day and they were all explaining things like how they had druggies in the stores or something when they worked retail and after they all told their stories I told them "someone died in the bathroom at our fred meyers once" and they all thought it was the funniest shit because I was pretty calm while saying it.

It was true though, someone died in the bathroom while I was on shift once

Knock knock...

>try to small talk at work
>stutter the whole time
>everyone stares

>>14054447
Was it a drug overdose? I worked at a grocery store once and we had to start locking the washroom because junkies would use it to shoot up then pass out

>>14053965
If you work for another man, you are a sad beta male anyway so who cares? Start your own biz or be a NEET or gtfo of here

>>14054491
Nailed it, fucking druggies

talk about your experience in bed, it works everytime

>>14054489
>be me
>girl gets hired whose really friendly
>stops by multiple cubicles even mine
>almost always tries to leave nigh on immidiately after coming in
>she steps in, moves towards something, and points
>"What's that thing do anon?"
>immidiately starts backing away like she is trying to exit the conversation
>doesn't do this with the others
>at the same time she
>openly complains to me about our supervisor
>walks right past me to use the hand sanitizer on my desk without asking suggesting she is comfortable around me or not good with social cues
>asks me where i'm going to lunch like she wants to come along

I mean come on if she doesn't like my company why does she keep talking to me and complimenting my clothes (she has a bf)?

faggot

>>14054641
She's not used to guys not giving her attention. You're a rare curiosity in her world.

>>14053965
>eating at my desk at work alone
>hear distant laughter of people making fun of me
>i knew they were talking about me because i looked at them and they stopped

>>14054701
this. Don't fall for it, guy. It's the only thing you have

>>14053978
Ok. OP.

>>14054718
get used to it. Sooner or later you will stop considering them as humans. Its a slightly better feeling

>>14054701
Are you saying that my poor conversation skills with people im not quite familiar with is the cause of this?

>>14053965
>Being this pathetic

>>14054019
why did i laugh at this lmao

>>14054043
stop pointing guns at people when telling jokes

>>14054019
I laffed.

>>14054346
>She seemed really into me though, and I'm not really sure why.
Fucking kek I'll give you one guess

>>14054855
>>14054919
a Robot Chicken bit which was better on the show