/biz/ - Business & Finance

I just had to fire someone for the worst reason ever.

We had this quiet guy in our office. Nothing special -- you barely noticed the guy. But he was harmless, kind, and did his job. The one thing I did know about him was his lactose intolerance. So we had him use the furthest bathroom from the office.

A short while ago, one of the new girls bought Starbucks for everyone. I guess she wasn't aware of his condition, because she got him a white chocolate mocha. He was still polite, and drank it. But inevitably had to go the bathroom. This was when shit (pun unintended) hit the fan.

Now, my office is at the complete opposite of the restrooms. Even then, you could hear a distinct pppfffftttt...! Ppppfffffffttt...!! PPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!!! emanating from them. At first, I suppressed my chuckles, and ignored it. But this kept going on and on and on. I don't know for how long. His braps never changed in intensity. Never were they harder or lighter than the previous ones. They just wouldn't stop. Soon enough, you saw various workers pop their heads out and look around like startled hens.

And then there was the smell. I think because my office was furthest away, I didn't get much of a whiff of it. But it still reached me enough to warrant cracking open a window. But I guess everyone fared worse. Because then you started to hear coughing. Then what sounded like choking noises. Then the labored, bronchitis-like breathing. Then agitated murmurs. Then the new girl (who bought the Starbucks), with hand over her mouth, running out of the office, screaming. Then the entire office calmly following suit. And finally, one of the older workers had an asthma attack, and we had to call 911. All while those pppfft... Pppfft... PPPFFTTs kept persisting.

After HR received so many complaints, I was forced to give him the pink slip. Those eyes of his, with a dreaded mixture of embarrassment and crushing defeat, I'll never forget, as he quietly walks away forever.

I feel terrible.