/biz/ - Business & Finance

I was only nine years old. I loved Vitalik so much, I bought some ETH and watched all youtube videos of him.
I'd pray to Vitalik every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Vitalik is love", I would say, "Vitalik is life".
My dad hears me and calls me a shitcoiner. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion to Vitalik. I called him a bitcoin maximalist. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep.
I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold.
A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Vitalik. I'm so happy.
He whispers in my ear, "This is my blockchain".
He grabs me with his powerful Russian hands, and puts me on my hands and knees.
I spread my paper-wallet for Vitalik. He penetrates my wallet. It hurts so much, but I do it for Vitalik.
I can feel my lifelong savings tearing as my eyes start to water. I hodl against his force. I want to please Vitalik. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my wallet with his shards.
My dad walks in. Vitalik looks him straight in the eye, and says, "He's a cryptokitty now".
Vitalik leaves through my window.
Vitalik is love. Vitalik is life.