/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>13517242
Id read it but only because link culture has been a part of me for the last two years or so.

Here's mine about Sergey and the singularity.

An array of monitors arranged concavely around a desk bathes an obese silhouette in the cold flicker of 60hz light. Across the multi-monitor display, a gridded mosaic of hundreds of faces, each a live video feed to a fortune 500 ceo, finance mogul, or captain of industry. One of the cells in the grid expands, eclipsing dozens of other windows on-screen, the face of Elon Musk becoming clearer at size as he speaks. "How'd the Falcon Heavy handle Sergey? Did you have a comfy ride?" The obese figure leans back in his specialized double wide office chair, basking in the monitor glow. "Basically, yes. Thank you Elon." Sergey sighs as he examines the LINK price chart in the corner of a monitor, a hill of green candles snaking steadily upward, topped out at 17$. "Well," Sergey declares, "as we know, the network is a success thus far. Main net is chugging along, and Link has seen impressive price growth." For a brief moment Sergey pauses, pensively diverting his gaze away from the display. "However, now i think it is time for the true catalyst. I'm sure you will agree."

>>13517242
Based. I'd buy a hardcover copy with full colour memes and the history of link plus the breadcrumbs and all the fan fiction if we make it.

>>13517461
I'll post more if there is interest, otherwise i'll just post the whole thing on a random day when link has a big pump.

>>13517492
thanks

>>13517242
Id rather read a romance novel about a muslim and pregant sergey.

>>13517461
Moaaaar!

>>13517510
I wrote some of the pasta but if I make it I don't care if someone else gets the credit. Anon should receive all credit anyways.

>>13517461

Hahaha yes. Dont forgrt the origin chapter of a disatisfied pre-link wagie

>>13517497
Moar dude this is good shit

chainlink fan fiction would be amazing

>>13517461
Continue pls

>>13517497
More!

When an accurate story about the odyssey that /biz/ went through? That would be far more interesting

>>13518476
Internet historian will probably do a video on us.

>>13518491
I really hope

>>13518491
History Channel will talk about us as the aliens and magick chaotist racists anime loving neets

>>13517461
More please

>>13517461
I'll post a few more passages. It's a short story not a book. However, i'm saving the ending for an actual link pump.

The visage of Bill Gates explodes in size right above the price chart as he proclaims "the singularity." "Bill, why don't you get us started" replies Sergey, as he gently unwraps the yellow paper of a big mac at his desk. Bill, slowly and under his breath, begins to chant. "Pump... pump..." Sergey bites into the big mac, chewing frantically. Elon Musk and the Bogdanoff brothers chime in with Bill Gates. "Pump... pump..." The latest candle on the price chart hops upward by a dollar as Sergey tears off another bite. The chant is echoed by more and more of the conference stream attendees. Larry Page pounds on his desk in cadence with the chant, Jeff Bezos' left eye throbs rhythmically as he joins in. "Pump... pump... pump..." Sergey stuffs the entire remaining half of the big mac into his mouth, then reaches under his desk with both hands, double fisting big macs from underneath. He doesn't even bother to unwrap them before ravaging the sandwiches with his greasy orifice, smashing them down his throat with momentous savagery. He gasps for breath after choking them down nearly whole, barely chewing at all, then slams his fists onto the desk. "Pump... pump..." Almost every member of the conference call is chanting with moderate vigor now, energized by the oracle god's appetite. Link price has exploded to 25$. Still gasping for air, Sergey strokes some buttons at his keyboard. The darkness behind him is vanquished as the lights switch on, revealing a veritable mountain of big macs reaching all the way to the top of a 50 foot ceiling in an immense industrial scale cubic store room full of burgers. The live conference group erupts with enthusiasm and cheers which reverberate off the steel interior of the euclidean feasting chamber.

>>13519298
Sergey leaps from his seat and sprints toward the pile, diving in open-mouth first, scattering burgers everywhere and disappearing into the mound. Like sand in an hour-glass, the peak of the burger mountain begins to collapse in on itself, the pile losing mass as the stack of thousands of burgers is reduced to hundreds. From within the shrinking heap emanates a muffled series of inhuman gurgling choking noises, synchronized with irregular pulsing contractions of the burger mass. With each pulse and subsequent loss of burger volume, Link price sky rockets. The conference group hysterical, clapping and howling wildly. Minutes pass, and Sergey reemerges, wading through a now ankle deep pile of sandwiches. In just a short time, the savior of oracles has risen anew. The calorie ultra-dense tower of sustenance served as both the cocoon and the energy source for summoning the spirit of the singularity; channeled into Sergey's own physical form via expedited processed beef pattie chrysalitic lipocarb McMetamorphasis. His clothing is irregularly webbed around his body, torn to ribbons from rapid expansion. Fibrous shreds of blue plaid stretched taught around his immense globular physique squeeze out bursting protuberances of fat like dough being forced through a chainlink fence. His head appears to melt into his body like a campfire marshmallow, entirely devoid of chin or neck, with cheeks grossly distended and flush with mcdonalds induced rosacea. Streams of grease dribbling from his mouth start to congeal in pools around the skin folds of his enlarged breasts, and his gaze is vacant and wall-eyed, eyeballs bloodshot and bursting from their orbital sockets. The floor shakes violently as he lurches back toward his command center and the faces of his screen-bound colleagues, releasing gasps of labored breathing. "95$!" Exclaims Mark Zuckerberg, followed by a chorus of cheers from the conference call. "Yuge, but" Donald Trump interjects "is this really 4ir yuge?"