/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>13063782
"No."

Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.

I actually am pretty good at creating art on the computer. Check out this bear I made, his name is Bobo!

>>13063809
>Thank you for coming to the interview, anon. You will hear from us if we have any more questions.

>>13063822
based

>filling out job application online
>there's a required section where you answer arbitrary interview questions
>final question asks, "Here's a blank space, make some magic with it"
what is your answer /biz/?

>>13063822
fagget

I spend my time off exercising and painting. Im not a natural at either but they make me happy

>>13063782
>I know your address and I'll be there tonight whether I get the job or not
>dont worry, nothing bad will happen to you
>yet

>yes that's correct.

>>13063782
>I spearfish as a hobby and can dive up to 100 feet deep on one breath

>>13063782
I'm a real street nigga for real
I'ma get the money, yeah for real
Your hoe made me fuck her in the grill
I wanna slap meat on her grill
I just wanna be the king of the hill
Big slimeball, yeah big for real
Y'all niggas win that for real
I am the realest of the realest
I just be really killin'
I just be really havin' digits
I be gettin' all the bitches
I be fuckin' all the bitches
I got all your bitches
All these bitches on my dick
I can't help this shit, hoes having fits
All this money that I'm getting
Niggas hatin', say I'm havin' counterfeits
All these blue hundreds, all this rap money
Nigga think I'm selling bricks
But I got all this shit
You can have all this shit
Hundred rounds drums in it
You can have all this shit
I got more money motherfucker
Hell nah, ain't worryin' 'bout a bitch
Can't get no money motherfucker
'Cause you're 'round here worryin' 'bout a bitch
I got your bitch on my dick
Worryin' 'bout me, worryin' 'bout your bitch
Big money, big shit (yeah)
Say I'm havin' counterfeit (yeah)
Real blue hundreds, bitch
Nigga you can check the script
Playin', you would get stripped
Niggas slime set trip
I'll shoot him off the rip
Nigga playin', get flipped
I just be flippin' my money
Came up from the block, servin' these junkies
Niggas ain't gettin' no money

>>13063920
draw 1000 cocks

>>13063782

I HATE NIGGERS, WAIT THAT'S ON THERE UUUUH I ALSO HATE JANNIES AND KIKES

BUY RIPPLE, VOTE DEMOCRATS

>>13063782
I draw a mean lyger

>>13063782
I am a fully certified memelord from the University of Keksford, London.

>>13063920
Copy paste a ascii hitler into it

>>13063920
paste in a 1994 news board ASCII art referencing some obscure proto-meme that only the most elite UNIX sysadmin would get.

>>13063782
I hate niggers with a passion.

I've got a 9" dick

>>13063782

"Murder hobbyist."

>>13063782
Uhhh

>>13063822

>>13063782
I believe that flat chests are delicious.

>>13064312
based

>>13064637
Delete this.

>>13063822

>>13063822
Please write a book

>>13064951
Sorry to be 'that guy', but this is from the film Austin Powers. It's said by Dr Evil at a therapy session

>would you prefer something personal or professional?

>>13065242
The details of our memes are quite inconsequential.

>>13065242
it did seem oddly familiar.

>>13064312
This is the one

Bump

Bump

>>13063782
Sir, excuse me, I’m looking for a job.
In fact, I’ve made up mind to find a
career I can learn and grow into. Who am
I? I’m a hard-worker, I set high goals
and I've been told I'm persistent. Now
I’m not fooling myself, sir. Having been
raised with the self-esteem movement so
popular in schools, I used to expect my
needs to be considered. But I know that
today’s work culture no longer caters to
the job loyalty that could be promised to
earlier generations. What I believe,
sir, is that good things come to those
who work their asses off, and that people
such as yourself who reach the top of the
mountain didn’t just fall there. My
motto is if you want to win the lottery
you have to make the money to buy a
ticket. Did I say I worked in a garage?
Sir, I think you and I could work well
together. So how about it? I can start
tomorrow or even why not tonight?

>>13063822
You didn't even mention your son, Scott.

I'd probably say something dumb like "I like dogs" or something fucky, ruining the whole interview and making me look like a dumb ass.

>>13063782

I like to travel often every year during vacation time i pick a place out of the country and go there to explore the world

>oh really? I have only ever went to the carribeans on a cruise. I also visit Europe twice so far. Where have you gone to?

*sweating* Th-Thailand

>>13063920
I draw some wizard dude holding a magic wand and saying "Abra Kadabra"

>>13063822
LOLOLOL

You win anon. Austin Powers was so great.

>>13063782
*coff coff... AHEM!*
have you ever heard about... Chainlink?

umm blunts, 40's, ho's and shieett

>>13067119
I'm not hiring a fucking thief...

bump

>>13063782
>well I have not fapped in a year

>>13064444
>Nobody commented on the four fours.

>>13068565
Quit falseposting

Do you want to know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...Why so serious?

>>13067713
based

>>13063782
Poope

>>13063782

I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of me as a candidate. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

>>13064668
Based

>>13063782
S ranked every mission in every Ace Combat game.

"I browse a white supremacist terrorist forum."

>>13063782
I've got a mild case of ligma