/biz/ - Business & Finance

This should help anon now you can have your private calls without interruption and she can't say your looking at anything you're not supposed to.
>Mmmmph! Mphhh mphhhh!~
You got it guy! I told you I would do you right...

Hey that's the anon that I caught leering at me the other day. I can't believe he still works here I'll be docking his pay for sexual harassment and foul debauchery not adhering to mission statement and attacking our corporate culture.

Anon I got an email that you over heard the same HR rep came to verbally assault you.
>Mrrrhppppphp! Mrprpphh mrrpppppphh?
Yeah I heard about the pay dock don't worry buddy you always stay late and work unpaid overtime to address the issues from Pajeet and Pedros coding. I'll take care of this don't worry your my main man and I'm gonna take the heat and set things right for you. Just hunker down for now and keep plucking away nose to the grindstone I'll get you squared away.
>Mmmpphhhh!

Here we go bud now you won't be able to hear her which will prevent any further sexual harassment from occurring. I wasn't able to get you your pay back but we can essentially backpay you for the year in your holiday bonus. It will be like you got your regular rate for the year but you wont get your holiday bonus. During the annual review though I'll get you a raise to get you back to your regular rate and then next year you should get a normal holiday bonus!
>MPHHHH! MMPPHPH MMPMPPHHH!
I know right win win for you the company everyone's happy. I wont let them stick it to you anymore you're a made man here don't worry about anything as long as you keep coming in early and staying late and cleaning up after the others in the department. Damn dude you're basically set for life, I'm honestly envious of your sick setup anon. Thanks as always and lemme know if there's anything else I can do for you.
>*muffled sobbing*

Shit anon I can't do too much for you this time. I got an email that you were reaching for your lunch on your desk when that HR rep was doing her penis inspection of Pajeet and Pedro. Apparently your elbow brushed a clipboard she had been using and so they have a potential third strike on sexual misconduct.
>*whimpering*
Nah dude nah I fought tooth and nail for you. We struck an agreement to remove the strike and keep you on limited staffing. You don't get any of your previous benefits of the 401K, health insurance, sick leave, vacation, or use of the company equipment, but we can keep you on. Part of the agreement was that we set up a cage to prevent any further and I quote their words not mine "hostile sexual attacks on female members of our or other organizations." I got you though your good my dude. You're going to have to start paying to park near the building and have limited access to the network so I need to ask you to buy a laptop and other materials to continue your project.

>>12558765
lol

>>12558891
Now this is a meme I can get behind

How's you're other full time Amazon fulfillment job helping you out Anon? Oh you also work at Mcdonalds to afford transport to and from our offices. I told you I got you set who else would be able to get you a swipe card so you could enter your external work cage during the hours you aren't working at Amazon or Mcdonalds. Speaking of there are concerns that you have been using your connection in the annexed work cage to perform some freelance work when you finished your required daily limited chargeable time sheet. It's fine I'll take care of you just make sure you keep morale up and dress up to show the higher ups you're serious about your partial staffing opportunity we were able to secure for you. Just wear full professional outfits and some you love your job flair.
>*blood and spittle trickle from exosed flesh*

Pure awesome OP

>>12558935
Anon damn you really got me in a bind this time corporate says one of their daughters was throwing M90s at you on the 4th of july bring your daughter to work vacation while you were working quadruple unpaid overtime between your 3 jobs. Apparently you had responded to the external stimuli and frightened the little girl!? Damn dude I'm doing everything to keep you on payroll I can but you gotta throw me a bone here. We're gonna install signage to prevent people from interacting with you at all costs I was able to get you an electro shock collar too in order to accustom you to random responses to pain so if something like this ever happens again you'll be fully equipped to react in a responsible worksafe way. I told you man I got your fucking back. Pedro and Pajeet are my managers now and they got promoted after ruining your project and making it an system crashing mess. The fallout from the hype and compromised businesses net the company a lot in court cases since they were able to distance themselves from your name which as your project it was all filed under. They tell me they can mitigate some of the debt you owe the affected companies that bought your project so that's one for us. We also have to keep you on house arrest in the annexed work cage due to your whole not appearing in court for all the cases they listed you as the primary defendant in. Don't worry though I have a connect for food product replacement so you can still get minimal nutritional needs still.

>>12558987
I’m sorry, I didn’t smell you there. My next 2 min bio-break is in about 3 hours; the auto-catheter malfunctioned again this morning and puncture my urethra, so my supervisor authorized me an extra minute. Can we circle back to this again after that?

This thread is a glimpse into the future and what happens if we dont make it

>>12559254
>Implying the spirit of this isn't what UK culture is all about.