/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>11987694
you can choose 1 of 4 wonderful colors to paint your butthole.

>>11987694
Why are you in the market for a new pen?

>>11987694
is very good pen sir, many colors. Express yourself!

>>11987694
I have one of those. It's fucking great.

>>11987694
It's a decentralized store of value. I sold someone a pen just like this 5 years ago and he's a millionaire now.

>>11987694
>holds glock up to your face
Buy this pen or I will shoot you in the fucking head

>>11987708
kek

>>11987705

I havent decided yet

>>11987694
It's a pen. You're going be looking or one or needing to buy them sooner or later. So easy to misplace them, and often accidentally stolen. Might aswell buy this one now, infact buy a bunch of them.

>>11987719

>throws wallet on the ground and runs away

PLEASE DONT FUCKING KILL ME

>>11987694
buy this pen for $1 today, ill buy it back tomorrow for $2

>>11987694
Support my LGBTQ group by buying this pen.
If you don't buy I'm making sure your boss finds out about it.

>>11987760
Do you need a pen?

>>11987694
It has a great Dev team, a ubiquitous use case and it's already been embraced by major financial institutions.

>>11987705
You havent decided yet?
Well this pen is perfect for you.
It has four different colors to choose from at any time.
You can decide on a new color in the middle of a sentence, word, or letter.
This pen is the perfect decision for the indecisive person.

>>11987806
Meant to send this to you.
>>11987760

>>11987694

>Here's a contract that's worth $1k. Sign here.
>Need a pen?

Here, I'll sell you this one for $5.

>>11987694
They say the pen is mightier that the sword. Well, how about four swords in one?

>>11987773

Good ill have my lawyer check the contract for 50000 pens. So that's $!00000 paid to my account by tomorrow?

Impressive Ill do business with you again soon.

You can keep the pens here btw ill send you the check for overnight storage.

>>11987783

Well... I cant argue with blackmail, ill have 1.

>>11987854
Hey there. I'll store those pens for you for half the price of your usual storage company, but tomorrow you have to pay me double

Thanks

>>11987825

sure.

Your profit: -995 $

>>11987894

My storage is only for 1 day so this is perfect for me.

You just saved me half the storage cost of 50000 pens!

Ill send your check later today

>>11987694
Insert this pen in your dick. Now snap it off splintering it in your urethra. Now fucking pay me.

>>11987806

ill have 2.

>>11987694
nice, just bought 100k

>>11987836
a fan of edward bulwer-lytton i see?

His novel about nazi-occultism deeply offended my polish stepmother.

>>11987694
pass. I only use the pilot razor point ii

>>11987786

You have already failed friend.

>>11987763

So you are saying your pen is extraordinarily average?

I was looking for something a bit more intersting, Ill just check at the shop across from the toy store im going to take my daughter to later.

Do me a favor and dig this impacted shit out of my ass.

>>11988097
Wrong. If I establish that you have a need, then I can sell you a pen. If I establish that you have no need, then i am wasting my own time trying to sell you something emotionally which you are extremely unlikely to buy. I have qualified you out. One of the most important parts of sales. So I will attempt to sell the pen to someone else who has a need.

I know someone who was hired for a sales role because of this in his interview.

>sell me this pen
>well you want a pen?
>no
>okay do you need a pen?
>no I can just borrow one any time I like
>okay have a nice day.
>you’re hired

Literally.

I’ve got a good emotional pitch to sell a pen to someone who may not think they need or want it, but realistically you are playing with tiny percentages in those situations. You can increase your conversation rate by increasing the rate at which you can qualify people in or out, rather than thinking every discussion will be a sale, that will get you fucked around a lot and you might get some sales out of those discussions but most often you will not. Better to qualify the minority of people as real shoppers and focus on them than focus on everyone and waste your time selling to the majority who have no intention of buying.

>>11988204
did you just tell your customer why they're wrong? >>11988097, I'm sorry, I'm this person's manager, I'll take care of any problem you have with us today.

>>11988204

Please, calm down sir.

>>11988260
No, I told them why they’re right. If they tell me they don’t need something, then I agree, so they are right and they have made the right call to be upfront about it and tell me, I’m doing us both a favor by saving them the hassle of pretending they’re interested in my pitch when they are clearly not interested, and doing myself a favor by not wasting my time or theirs.

It’s a win win situation for both of us that I didn’t sell that customer the pen.

>>11987694
Only a faggot with a nigger iq wouldn't want to buy this pen...

>>11988260

I am appalled and offended, >>11988204 already snapped at my light humor but now insulting me like this in front of my family? Unacceptable.

Come Mary-anne bring the kids, we are leaving.

>>11988346
I'm sorry about your unpleasant experience, please accept this coupon for a 10% discount on the next pen you buy

>>11988313
What happened over there? That's strike three, you're fired!

>>11988332
back to your fucking cryptos faggot. you don’t stand a chance in the real world.

>>11988204
so, pareto principle? you would be a good sales manager but not a good salesman, anon
that efficiency is only applicable when you sell something that already familiar to anyone else like a pen

>>11988204
Revolutionary stuff mate

>>11987694
You dont want this pem

>>11987694
Write your name on this piece of paper.

>>11988389
Found the faggot with the nigger iq.
Gg ez.

Im sure youve seen gay multi-colored quad pens before.

Look carefully, this one is all blue colored. This pen takes 4 times as long to run out and we cut out the shitty fruit colors like red and green.

Can you remember the last time you've had a pen that lasts fifteen thousand lines? No? Hm, well perfect, never forget again, blue ink has been clinically proven to improve memory even against aging.

>>11987694
Comes free with the car loan, goy.

>>11988422

I dont have a pen on me.

>>11987694
I was unironically asked to do this once. I had applied for a tech support job (fixing computers) and they said "well we don't have any tech support jobs, how about sales?"
Sell me this pen...lol
In a day and age where we send out e-mails and text messages for everything, why the fuck would I even want to try selling a pen? The commission gained from it would be not worth the effort. I'd rather shill you this $900 phone that is priced at around 3x the cost it took to develop and manufacture it. Oh and did I mention you can now send HD emojis to all of your retarded friends?

Anyways, was in the same store a week prior...a salesman approached me as I was checking out some computer hardware and didn't even know what a GPU was. "Hey Jim I have a customer here who is talking about a GPU. I know what a CPU is, but what the heck is a GPU"

I didn't get the job. Thank fuck for that.

>>11987794

Hmm, well I am a small business owner and I want every advantage I can have.

If they are using it, it must have something that sets it apart.

Can you do an order of 50?

You are going to regret it if you don't buy this pen right now.

This pen isn't like other pens, its going to keep increasing in value and make you rich. You have this one opportunity to buy it now before everyone else finds out about it and drives up the price. Just imagine this time next year thinking about how you could have gotten in early before it was a huge thing that everyone knew about. This is the only pen you will ever need, don't miss your chance.

>>11988562
Sorry meant to say
>"Well we don't have any tech support jobs available" (as in no open positions currently)
Figure that needs clarification

This pen? Not for sale. It belonged to my great uncle Ira -- it was the only possession he snuck through the guards at Auschwitz. This pen has seen death. It's not for writing.

>>11988624
Now this is how its done

>>11987713
thanks, just bought 100k

>>11987694

*schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop* *schlop*

Buy this pen or I will kill your mother in her sleep.

>>11989079
BASED!