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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/biz/ - Business & Finance

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11486760 No.11486760[DELETED]  [Reply] [Original]

>never had sex before
>begin to get curious what a blowjob feels like
>read some guides online about how to give myself a blowjob
>gained over 50 lbs since my younger days
>convince myself everything will probably be okay
>lay down a towel on my bed, lift my legs up above my head
>begin to walk my legs down backwards along the wall.
>lift my head up to suck
>hear a crack and immense pain real sharp pain.

That was yesterday. Guys I went to my chiropractor today and he said I pulled some muscle in my spine. I forget the name of it. Either way I really am scared here because I work in construction and I needed my body to be able to pay the bills. I am going to call in sick today and am dreading the phone call to my Forman.

I told my chiropractor I was lifting the barbecue up the back stairs with a friend. He said from his estimates I might be off work for as long as 2 months. I'm going to be fucking ruined if this happens as rent Is in 1 week.

I come to you guys today to tell me which coin I can go all in on for a quick x2. I have a total of $4000 left over from buying up at $16k per btc and have just held it for the long term. Is there a quick coin you guys can suggest I can double my $4000 into 8k? I usually come here because you guys know the answer to everything. So please tell me what to do.

>> No.11486801

You can't do this in such a timespan without the risk of gambling it all away
Can you go on unemployment or welfare or whatever for the time being?

>> No.11486806

>>11486760
kek if real

don't gamble your money you dummy
bitcoin is doing it's triangle thing. if it breaks down your moonshot will die too. wait for a confirmed uptrend before even thinking about a quick x2


>dreading the phone
don't talk about what happened

>> No.11486831 [DELETED] 

>read some guides online about how to give myself a blowjob
you got hit by some internet espionage shit.
like when 4chan made those images that show you how to mix chemicals to create chrystals.

>> No.11486840

>>11486760
you do know that hiring a prostitute would've been cheaper than binge eating that 50lbs and you wouldn't have had to have sucked your own dik right?

>> No.11486849

Well this is what pain pills for for, anon.

>> No.11486860
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11486860

I remember I once got out of bed and somehow pulled a muscle in my back. Couldn't walk for 3 days.

First, go to a doctor. A chiropractor is a not a doctor. Ask him about steroids, they can expedite recovery. Good luck OP

>> No.11486881

Its a fucking pasta you newfags

>> No.11486907

>>11486760
All in on RVN m8

>> No.11486914
File: 96 KB, 443x455, 1539882559416.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
11486914

>>11486760
honesty is the best policy
you have to tell your foreman what really happened

>> No.11486925

>>11486881
people who fall for pasta should be banned for at least a year to lurk moar

>> No.11486990

Go to work tomorrow, and "hurt yourself" while on the job, by lifting some boxes tripping them over or some shit.

Also, fucking lol at your story.

>> No.11488029

bump for hillariousness

>> No.11488051

>>11486760
>>read some guides online about how to give myself a blowjob
kek

>> No.11488072
File: 508 KB, 1392x1161, 1540103078214.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
11488072

>>11486760

>> No.11488099

>>11486990
Do this.

Should he push through the pain for 1 hour first? Would be suspicious if he got it straight away right?

>> No.11488111

>>11486760
Go into BAT and sell the coinbase listing pump.

>> No.11488121

Well we'll well, look at all the newfags

>> No.11488122

>>11488111
This, OP

>> No.11488160

Mate, I asked a girl to see me this Wednesday. She said she couldn't make it because she wanted to say bye to her boyfriend before he goes on holiday. t. 21 year old virgin, I've never met a person who I would hit it off with in my entire life before, except for this one dude in middle school, but I don't suck cocks and neither does he

>> No.11488534

>>11486806
what price do we have to break to confirm an uptrend?

>> No.11488563
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11488563

This story is too fake and gay to actually be made up

lmao'ing @ your life OP

>> No.11488594

just think of all the high quality pussy you could have bought with the money you are losing from trying to suck your own dick

>> No.11488605

>>11486760
copypasta and relatively lame one at that

>> No.11488612
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11488612

>>11488594
Literally spit out my coffee on this one

>> No.11488755

>>11486760
bjs kind of tickle. not as good as you'd think

>> No.11488768

Old pasta

>> No.11488795
File: 20 KB, 306x306, 1445692816133.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
11488795

>All these newfags replying to an old copypasta