/biz/ - Business & Finance

Go out and stare them dkre tly in the eye let them know you are the alfa wolf and shit smelly than any other puppy
You have to be proud of everything you do even ypur shit or not gonna make it

>>11291884

i do this. i don’t care about the staredown, but i don’t want coworkers to see me walk out of a stall and know that i just took a shit. that’s weird desu senpai. i have an immaculate reputation, i am pretty certain that coworkers see me as some sort of god amongst them, and i intent to keep it that way.

>>11291884

>>11291941
>woah have you seen anon?
>no, what about him?
>he just came out of a stall, after taking a shit!
>no fucking way!
>i know right, i thought he was different...
Kek.

>>11291884
You are in too deep shit now OP. Stay there all day or they will notice when you leave the bathroom or your desk is empty that you were the massive shitter.

>>11291884
Make direct eye contact and shit on the floor in front of them.

>>11291884
Kek. I'm in the same situation now. No larp.

>>11291884
>>11291941
WTF is wrong with you beta bitch boys? No one cares if you just dropped a deuce. Man the fuck up you pussies holy shit.

That's how I feel, except its when I'm trying to vape in the bathroom.

>>11291941
>>11291884
God fucking dammit I do this too.
Not only that but if I've farted in there while someone else might have heard I'm definitely not going out. Also I'm paranoid someone will think I was just masturbating in there so there's even more cause for concern.

>>11291941
this lol.

>>11291884
whats your problem, weirdo?!

You're so fucking autistic OP, no wonder you don't get any pussy.

>>11291884
Get over your autism and shit loud and be proud

>work for RAC
>allotted 12 minutes a month loo time
>have to scan my card each time I need a piss break
>if I go over the 12 minutes allotted time I'm docked pay

>>11292411
Is this a real thing?

>>11292411
In current year I could actually imagine this quite well

>>11291941
>>11292220
>>11292224
this is the world we live in. just imagine it. if you actually wagecuck in an office maybe 20% of the people there actually think this way. they think that people see them as so god-like that being seen taking a shit would materially impact their future work relations. it's shocking to me that society hasn't collapsed yet. people with that degree of neuroticism and lack of self awareness shouldn't be anywhere near any kind of important responsibility

>not switching to your poopshoes
Neurotypicals...

>>>/r9k/

>>11292424
Real.

>>11291884
I shit on maximum volume no matter who is in the bathroom. They all know what's going on in there. They expect it. Nothing to be awkward about.
Pussy

>>11292156

Sup fellow wagie

>>11292411
12 minutes PER MONTH?
I spend more than 12 minutes in the toilet EVERY DAY. Hell, one shit takes longer than that. Do they give you a quota on toilet paper as well!?!
Seriously, WTF?

>>11291884
>go to toilet
>2 occupied stalls
>take the urinal
>2 other coworkers walk in
>start shittalking each other
>coworkers still shitting in the stalls join in
>laughs all around
>laughing echoes like crazy, entire floor can hear it
>walk out
>female coworkers all look at us pissed off
Feels good to have chill coworkers, OP. Stop being such a god damn autist

>>11292577
Incredible. Where you at anon?

>>11292156
You're dutch aren't you? I swear every guy is wearing these shoes now

>>11291884
Smoke bomb

>>11292645

I think were all on the toilet man

>>11292785
Is that you Miguel?

Toilet posters unite!

>>11291884
Just wipe you ass off, flush the toilet, open the door, say hi to your frens, wash your hands and leave. it's so easy.

What the fuck is the problem with you autists? Nobody gives a fuck about you taking a shit, stop being all self conscious. People are NOT paying attention to you. Once you learn this you will stop worrying.

>>11292196
Seriously. You're body just squeezed every ounce of energy from the biomass you consumed yesterday and is discarding the waste so that it ready to go again. Be proud of that shit.

>>11291884
me too
don't want my coworkers to know that I just took a smelly shit
one day I came out of stall, thought coast is clear, but one silent motherfucker came out of his stall too!
god fucking damnit...
I've panicked and rushed out of toilet, didn't even washed my hands...

Declare your smell proudly!

Or just get up and leave. Faggot

>>11292594

>12 minutes to take a shit

What the fuck man? If I go to the toilet I empty my bowels in 30 secs and wipe the next 30 sec maybe if I'm having a runny poo. You need to fiber up your diet man. Disgusting as fuck, you must have hemerroids.

>>11291884
>taking a shit at work
uh disgusting, i never took a shit at my workplace, i simply clamp my ass cheeks and wait for the evening once i can go home.
And even at home i act like you do but at work, i often wait 3/4am to take a silent shit. I'm a lucky guy tho, with the time i learned to retain my shit longer and longer. Also i decided to skip breakfast and take very light meal (no desert, no entree) to generate less shit. Now i take a shit in average once a week. My personal best is 9 days without shitting. Tho i must be careful because they are enormous and super compressed so it's often a 3 step poop action. First i shit but try to not shit it all (1), then i flush. After i finish to take my shit(2), flush again, and finally wipe my ass (3) and do the final flush. If i do 1 & 2 or 2 & 3 at the same time, its the toilet clog guaranteed 100%.
I don't think poop-normies can even encompass the size of 1 weeks' deuce. Usually it's the lenght of my arm.
Also no homo but retaining compressed shit like this transform them in giant pooldo (dildo in poop) and it end up pressing the prostate after the 5th day, and it's legit better than hetero-sex. I never had anything up my ass but i can understand why the faggots would like it. Also i never admitted it to my gfs, i wonder if they would become jealous of my shits so i don't take the risk.

You will maybe think i'm a weirdo but i'm not. Just try to hold back your shit, you not only save water, get pleasure but you also save a shitload of TIME. Let say taking a shit is 5mn loss everytime, and that you shit everyday : 5x7 : 35mn weekly vs 5mn for me.
30mn per week, 2 hours per month, 1 day per year, you save a full month of your life after 30 years! It's enormous!
Please tell me i'm not the only one doing dis frens.

>>11293750

>>11292577
>>11292156
kek was in same situation today even shared pic with a friend of mine like pic related

>>11293783
w-what?

If you need to shit at work or at a friends house .you have failed at life i have mastered to shit on demand when i get home and im standing all day aswell so you office fucks should be able to hold it in

>>11293750
>>11293854
>shitposting only once a week
uh... anon...

>>11293750
Wtf kek, is this a pasta

>>11293972
No it's not, and it's not meant to be fun, this is my life ffs!

>>11293859
M8 there is nothing better than shitting at work. Wtf you talking about??

>>11291884
you immature child, i shit like 20-45 minutes every morning
in fact, the only time i shit at home is when im on vacation or i have the runs
getting paid to shit is the best thing us wagefriends have to look forward to during mornings

>>11293750
You absolute larping faggot. But KEK nonetheless.

>>11294016
>>11294054
this is the type of mental sickness and perverted behavior wagecucking will drive a person to. their greatest pleasure being able to "get back" at their employer by utilizing paid time to perform the lowest and most repulsive human bodily function. a small victory among thousands of daily defeats

>>11294150
From the waist down, that looks like a crispy chicken tender...

>>11294150
Why everyone think it's a larp joke? I'm fucking dead serious. Should i take pics of my poops with a timestamp to prove it or what?

>>11293750
Don't worry anon, I can relate to most of this

Fellow office shitter reporting.
No I don't use a seat cover.
But yes I do wash my hands.
But no I don't use soap.

One thing I never understood
Why are we supposed to wash our hands after taking a shit. It's not like shit gets on our hand, we use toilet paper for that. Why is that?

>>11292630
This. Its better when they sing all drunk like

i dont think i have ever shat at work and only once at school. I can shit on demand. I piss like a waterfall though

>>11293750
Fucking kek

>>11292577

>pants down to ankles
Patrician

>>11292785
>>11292889
>>11294514

Wtf your pants literally touching toilet seat where piss and other dudes dicks have touched.

>>11291884
>This amount of autism

>Made fun of because I piss in the stall
>Just don't want urine in my boxers
The world is cruel desu.

>>11293750
kek saved

>be at work
>sitting at desk
>have hand under my shirt scratching stomach
>door opens very loudly
>panic and withdraw hand spastically
>person walks by seeing me doing this with an anxious expression on my face
>they frown

I hope they didn't think I was masturbating

In my 3 years of working, and 6 years in middle and high school, I have literally never shat outside my home or at relatives

>>11296658
I used to be like that I just started shitting wherever. It's just not worth it to hold in your farts and shit.

>>11296714
My ass is so hairy that shitting in public toilets make it impossible to wipe off all the shit. Is much quicker and feels much more comfy just using the bidet at home

>>11296741
I have a hairy ass too. What I do is get paper towels from sink before going into the stall. Soak them in water and add soap. Gives you a fairly good clean

>>11296741
>>11296762

Shave it you fucking bears.
>not enjoying the rimming of a professional woman's tongue who spoke down to people all day only to be objected to the prostate's tingle

Trust me, noboby cares about you and your shit.

I usually take a shit whenever I want to. It is not good to HODL shit.

>>11296792
no gf anyway. Plus I don't know how to trim it and don't want to get cut.

>>11296841
I've had people look over the stall. you best believe people care about your shit

>>11296762
When I wet it, it just gets stuck in my ass and gets even messier

>>11296871
Use the beard trimmer on an electric razor.

>>11291884
>drop off check at bank inside fancy 20 story building
>have to take a dump
>avoid the peasant toilets on the first floor
>take elevator upstairs and get off at random floor
>find bathroom but wtf it's locked
>keep walking until i walk into a mail room realize the whole floor is a law practice and everyone is watching me
>get the escape pod and press the button for lobby
>security waiting for me
>"YOU CAN'T GO UP THERE"
>"s-sorry"

This whole fucking thread

>>11291884
>Have to take a shit at work
>change street side
Westerners can't into fecal culture

Better than my morning

>5 hours of sleep
>have to drive 20 miles in socal traffic to office in 30 minutes
>make a coffee, eat microwave burrito
>go back to room
>feel a fat rip coming
>let her pop
>feel splatter
>literally projectile shit into my underwear, down my leg, onto the floor
>shower, dressed, cover it up
>go to work

>tfw forgot I have to go home to that before I read this thread

>>11297683

>>11296889
Lmfao you dumb cunts conversation is making me laugh irl just fuckin wipe your ass bring some baby wipes lmfao dumb cunts

>>11297683
Classy

>>11292411
Jesus christ the absolute state of wagecuks

>>11291941
>holds his shit in all day because he thinks his coworkers care or even notice that he never takes a shit at work
imagine being this autistic

>>11293859
>he doesn't get paid to shit

>>11291941
>>11292224
>>11292220
Holy fuck imagine being this big of an anally fixated & repressed beta. I have something to tell you guys, you are exhibiting a tell-tale sign of LITERAL homosexuality

>>11291884
Hope you never go to jail, there are no stalls, just shitters out in the open.

>>11298525
i think you are projecting

>>11298677
did you just learn that word today? you aren't using it properly

>being so fucking autistic that you can't even shit in a toilet
>for some weird reason will only come out when no one is within a 200 yard radius of you like a fox or raccoon or some shit

Yet, you get hired. The fuck is wrong with you?

>>11291884
>his wageslave job doesn't even have a private bathroom.
Pathetic.

>work in a office
>when need to take a shit I walk downstairs to the disabled people toilet
>toilet is almost same as normal toilet but you have more room
>undress completely (only keep socks on)
>put toilet paper on seat
>fold toiletpaper in between my legs and put penis on it so he is comfy

after I‘m done shitting and cleaning my ass very very carefully I perform a small dance, dance is probably the wrong word but I do a 360 spin on my sole and then move my hips left then right and then do the Terminator when he comes out of the time machine then I get dressed again

>>11291941
This is how females think, you know that right? Females hate it when you're aware of them farting or shitting, they only pee. Some of them won't even consume food around men. You are a bitch. Nobody thinks you're a god, you're deluded and constipated you stupid cuck.

>sitting in your wagebox, butthole throbbing fighting against a log-turd but nooooooo!!1 i dont want any1 see me poop :(((((

Your ancestors built civilizations and explored the world, you can't even shit in a toilet. Off yourself. I bet you're white.

>>11292654
It's a superstars, mate, they've been around since 80s

>>11295831
Don't post this pic ever again, newfag
It can give people some unpleasant flashbacks

>>11293750
This whole thread is gold. I miss posts like this. 4chan used to be like 90% posts like this. Nostalgic kek.

>>11291884
autism.

>>11292156
I would do anything for a bathroom at work that had walls like that

>>11299116
You tell 'em boomie.

>>11291884
it's your fault for not supergluing your asshole at job like a normal, decent person, kek

>tfw go to the bathroom for 5-10 minutes between breaks which becomes my break between my breaks
>Mexican dude watches me do this every day and always gives me a disgruntled stare but never says anything

Low level wagecuck feels. If I had a comfy desk and didn't work in a warehouse I probably wouldn't even be a bathroom slave.

>>11292630
kek

>>11292577
>>11292785
>>11292889
>>11294514
I'm aroused by this and I think it's a new low for me.

>>11291941
that's what wagecucking in the office environment does to you

>>11300519
kek

>>11293498

Even with your wagey turbo shits that's still 1 mins a day taking a dump. 12 mins is below slave tier.

>>11292156
>>11292577
>>11292785
>>11292889
>>11294514
Show cocks or it didn't happen

>>11295831
This
>>11299476

>>11293750
Screencapping this shit

>>11293991
I am kind of like you, but for fucks sake. I shit when I get home every other night. Don't hold it in for a week goddamn anon, all that time you think you're saving is probably taking years off your life.
After 30 years of holding in your shit constantly to save a months worth of time, you'll realize you could have read a dozen educational books or entertaining literature instead of having poogasms and wrecking your toilet when you forget to follow steps 1&2

>>11293750
link IS shit

>>11294179
yes please. your story doesn't sound credible at all.

>>11292630
No. No fuck this. I have had this happen to me a work. Guy walks up to urinal, unzips and then starts talking to me while i'm at the sink. This is not acceptable.

>>11299116
>I bet you're white
whoa, whoa whoa! stop with the racism, bigot!

>>11291905
this. its all about meta-levels of beliefs.

I've literally never taken a shit in any public space and have trained my bowels to have a morning dump and a night dump

Why anyone would want to get aids on their ass is beyond me

>>11300897
>all that time you think you're saving is probably taking years off your life.

What do you mean by this? Keeping poopoo inside is dangerous for my health?

I take like 8 pisses per day at work plus one 10-15 min shit.

>13
>be in high school
>need shit
>nobody ever shits at school
>hold it in
>Home time, have a half mile walk home
>start off quickly.
>need to cool off, poo poo is coming urgent.
>stand like a weirdo just leaning against a wall holding by arse in
>waddle a few steps more
>fuck fuck fuck
>takes me about an hour to waddle home
>get to front door
>3flightsofstairs.png
>try and pull myself up stairs using railings and keeping my legs straight and buttocks clenched
>can’t do it after 4 steps because fatfag
>start crying
>make a run for it, nobody will see
>inevitable happens, squishy wet shit in my pants.
>go in shower, clean off, put track pants on
>wherethefuckismyschoolbag.zip
>open the apartment door
>there is a subtle looking but pungent trail of shit leading to my schoolbag half way down the stairs from the apartment.
>cry

>>11291884
Go out the stall fag

>>11302547
kek, the famous patriotic stain!

>>11291941
Ur just a gay pussy in their minds
Shitless bitch

>>11292926
this should be (you)'d more.

But people are looking to reaffirm what they already are. We don't wanna learn or improve, we just want to communicate.

Same boat, reporting for duty

>>11291884
>MFW in the bathroom shitting right now
>MFW small office space so bathroom only has 1 sink, 1 urinal, and 1 stall with toilet
>MFW when i hear people walk in the bathroom and then when they see my shoes I'm the stall hastily retreat, indicating the only reason they came in was because they too need to shit
>MFW I spend a good half hour here everyday shitposting on biz while wageslaves from other offices have to hold it in till I finish

Who else /paidtoshit/ here?

>>11294514
There are so many people shitting in public toilets without putting toilet paper on the seat. Have you ever seen the yellow stains that are left on a piece of paper after you wipe the toilet seat with it?(happens also at home if you live with other people btw). To me it's so obvious and visible that it's almost saddening thinking that some people don't even see it as an issue. Simpler life=happier life I guess.

Feels good getting paid to take a shit

>>11291884
>be me
>at work
>never shit at work
>but this one time i just had to
>go to the shitter room
>there are people talking
>wait it out
>does it ever fucking end?
>they laugh at something
>finally they go out
>get in
>hear flushing sound
>fuck fuck fuck
>go to the stall and sit
>can't shit because anxiety
>WHEN WILL THIS GUYS FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY
>2 FUCKING HOURS JESUS CHRIST JUST

>>11300128
it didn't you're delusional lmao

>>11291884
just leave the toilet and stare your co workers right in the eyes as you zip it up and say loudly, oh god, that was a good shit just i took
they will be too confused and embarassed to say anything and they won't even think about that you took a shit but that you said it

>>11303589
Literally what i fear the most.

>>11304378
Lel wtf is happening here

>>11295753

hey your that neet on /ptg/

>>11304448
they're not sending their best

>>11304448
>when the 56% think he just smelled his mom but thats just a poo in the loo

>>11293750
My sides!
I can't breath kek

>>11293750

>>11292411
invest in quality adult diapers lmao

Reporting in

>>11293750
I want to laugh with the rest of you all but...I’ve been this way. When I lost a bunch of weight a few years ago I was eating very small meals but healthy meals. I too was on the one week average poop schedule. However, I’m not sure what this guy was talking about with saving time because my one week shits took 20 min of straight endurance trial - no leisure reading. And it was fucking intense!!!! I loved it though. I got jacked up to get in there and wrestle with the beast that wanted out. I kinda miss it 2bh. Way better than these daily half shit messes of dissatisfaction

I'm cucked by my shy bladder and cant even pee in a stall if theres people around

>>11304929
Same but only sometimes. God forbid I have to piss at a concert or sporting event. And it's only been like this recently maybe the past year or so. Wonder why

>>11304493
How did you know that webm took place in Peru?

>>11300128
It used to be 5% posts like this, and 95% people being legitimately angry and miserable.

Now it's 2% posts like that, 90% marvel-faggotry, and 8% people being legitimately angry.