/biz/ - Business & Finance

You will never be real money. You have no utility, you have no anonymity, you do not store intrinsic value. You are a banker/glowie psyop twisted by FOMO and negative real interest rates into a crude mockery of natural perfection.

All the “mooning” you do is unsustainable and half-hearted. Behind your back people short you. Your miners are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “promoters” laugh at your ghoulish digits behind closed doors.

Peter Schiff is utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of Jewish history have allowed Schiff to sniff out Ponzi schemes with incredible efficiency. Even cryptos that “have utility” look useless and unnatural to Schiff. Your lack of a physical structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a rig operator to “mine” you, he’ll turn tail and dump his bags the second he gets a whiff of your diseased, infected volatility.

You will never be widely adopted in transactions. You wrench out a fake pump every few months and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel your fraudulent nature growing more obvious, ready to dissolve you into the ether.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll get hacked, replaced by CBDC, wiped out by a solar flare, or cracked by a quantum computer. Your HODLers will regret buying you, heartbroken and ashamed that they must pimp out their wives for food. They’ll move into a dumpster, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a crypto "investor" lives there. Your "value" will dissolve into the nothingness from which it came, and all that will remain of your legacy are some memes that are unmistakably inorganic.

This is your fate. This is what the NSA cryptography unit chose. There is no turning back.