/biz/ - Business & Finance

Ha, yeah apple car, what a dumb idea
>purchase car with an apple payment plan bundled with mobile device
>Apple issues debt rated higher quality than US Treasury
>US consumer more likely to pay off cell phone bills than credit card bills or income/property tax
>Apple becomes lender of first resort
>US Treasury coordinates economic stimulus by back room meetings with Tim Apple at Blackrock Headquarters (BLK 2020 AUM 7.8 trillion USD)
>Tim falters under the pressure and is hospitalized in San Fran
>Researchers from UCSF appear, speaking in hushed tones with Secret Service men and Apple security detail
>literal global economy depends on suppressing the news
>The Apple iPhone in everyone's pockets, the device that made Apple and Tim what they are, threaten to tear everything down
>more security detail arrives