/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>21955140
>14.88

Thank you all for attending our virtual SmartCon. Today is a special day, we are announcing ALL our partners!
>Thousands of logos flash on the screen, literally every company you heard of is partnered with LINK
But we are especially proud to announce our final partner. Final solution, if you please.
>Giant swastika flashes on the screen.
That's RIGHT! WE ARE HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT CHAINLINK IS OFFICIAL PARTNER OF THE FOURTH REICH
>Giant oven heats up behind Sergey
Feeding real data to a blockchain is not enough! We are going to feed them REAL PEOPLE!
>You hear muffled "Please let me out!" coming out of the oven
>Camera switches to inside view of the oven, there are people with huge nasal features chainlinked to the floor
Guys, please, can you be quite for a minute? We are all in this together!
To limit our supply, and create additional demand for our token, we announce that, starting from NOW, you can BURN your LINK! I know you all gonna ask - why would I ever want to burn my linkies? The answer lies in our "Hall of Cost" burn contract - for every LINK burned, we gonna burn one of the devils of the earth...
>his face shows absolute disgust
Jews, niggers, trannies, and if we ever run out of them, we still have chinks, spics, women, and paje-- *oh, they are our major holders? Fuck* ahem-- pakistanis!
>even though it's a virtual conference, you hear loud applause coming from somewhere
To spice things up...
>Sergey opens his 650mil LINK wallet
...i'm gonna commence the cleansing of which the world never seen before
>he sends them all to burn contract
>ground shakes beneath you, you hear distant explosions, there are fires and people screeming outside your house
>huge 100 ft Sergey crashes the city, erupting green fire out of his mouth
>you open CMC
>LINK skyrockets to $1488
>You go to bed and sleep with a happy smile on your face. For the first time in your life, you are sure the future is gonna be alright.