/biz/ - Business & Finance

Congratulations! You just won millions of dollars in the lottery! That's great.

Now you're fucked.

No really.

You are.

You're fucked.

If you just want to skip the biographical tales of woe of some of the math-tax protagonists, skip on down to the next comment, to see what to do in the event you win the lottery.

You see, it's something of an open secret that winners of obnoxiously large jackpots tend to end up badly with alarming regularity. Not the $1 million dollar winners. But anyone in the nine-figure range is at high risk. Eight-figures? Pretty likely to be screwed. Seven-figures? Yep. Painful. Perhaps this is a consequence of the sample. The demographics of lottery players might be exactly the wrong people to win large sums of money. Or perhaps money is the root of all evil. Either way, you are going to have to be careful. Don't believe me? Consider this:

Large jackpot winners face double digit multiples of probability versus the general population to be the victim of:

Homicide (something like 20x more likely)

Drug overdose

Bankruptcy (how's that for irony?)

Kidnapping

And triple digit multiples of probability versus the general population rate to be:

Convicted of drunk driving

The victim of Homicide (at the hands of a family member) 120x more likely in this case, ain't love grand?

A defendant in a civil lawsuit

A defendant in felony criminal proceedings

Believe it or not, your biggest enemy if you suddenly become possessed of large sums of money is... you. At least you will have the consolation of meeting your fate by your own hand. But if you can't manage it on your own, don't worry. There are any number of willing participants ready to help you start your vicious downward spiral for you. Mind you, many of these will be "friends," "friendly neighbors," or "family." Often, they won't even have evil intentions. But, as I'm sure you know, that makes little difference in the end. Most aren't evil.