/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>58024443
something bad omen for NYC can be beneficial to NYCB. Ever seen Blazing Saddles?

>In the bustling heart of the city, where skyscrapers pierced the heavens and the streets hummed with the lifeblood of commerce, there existed an establishment of such reputable stature, the New York Community Bank, NYCB by acronym. This financial behemoth, with its coffers deep and wide, is a fickle mistress, and the bank’s once prized office real estate holdings began to wither in value like crops under a scorching sun.

>The NYCB boardroom buzzed not with the usual talk of investments and returns but with a plot most foul. In a desperate gambit to reclaim their losses, they sought the services of a rather unorthodox solutions firm, the interstellar sort. Yes, aliens, but not your garden-variety green men from Mars. These were mercenaries of the cosmos, private military contractors with antennae, armed with technology that made human gadgetry look like child’s play.

>Their task was simple: cause a ruckus, a commotion, a bona fide hullabaloo within the urban jungle that would make the insurance claims soar like rockets. These extraterrestrial troublemakers descended upon the city with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, their antics wild and uncontained. They blasted holographic tumbleweeds down the avenues, projected cosmic lassos that wrapped around streetlights, and orchestrated symphonies of chaos that made the most daring of Broadway shows pale in comparison.

>In the end, NYCB’s gamble paid off, as insurance adjusters, scratching their heads with pens instead of lasers, wrote off damages no man could comprehend. The bank’s balance sheet recovered, much to the chagrin of ethical onlookers, and the city was left with tales of a day when the wild west met the farthest reaches of the galaxy, all under the watchful eyes of a bank that found its salvation in the most unlikely of allies—aliens on the payroll.