/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>55734743
It's going to be business as usual for apple earnings. Tim apple is going to come out completely naked for the earnings report, hes going to smugly staring at the audience and say the following
>Here at apple, we don't just make good products, we are changing the way people interact with the world
>you may be wondering why I'm standing here naked with my coin slot hanging out
>As a giant faggot and cuck myself I'd like to introduce to you our newest most innovative product yet
>it's called the iCage
>it's the first AI powered cock cage and prostate stimulator directly connected to Siri
>starting price will be $100k
>Pre-orders sold out before he can even finish his sentence
>a gallon of horse semen is brought out and Tim apple butt chugs the whole thing
>a bunch of BIPOC trannies come out on stage, helicopter their penis' while urinating
>crowd goes wild
>Apple's stock jumps 15% AH