/biz/ - Business & Finance

Why even lift when it's all about the face?

>27 years old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, and never been to pub, club, or party

I'm walking around London on a sunny day. I went jogging earlier today and lifted yesterday. I haven't had junk food in almost 5 days. But I am still a disgusting slug compared to all the normies out enjoying their lives right now.

The only reason I have time to walk around is because I miraculously have a job that requires almost no work or time at the office so I didn't bother going in today. How the FUCK will I cope when I get a 9 to 5 job and I know I'm like an imprisoned work donkey with no redeeming aspects to life? All the normies are outside right this second with their friends and enjoying life.

Society wants to use me up as a wagecuck and give me zero social reward because I'm ugly as fuck. As a result, I have no motivation to do anything productive with all my free time. I have no motivations or passions in life.

>be me
>be a 27 year old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club, or party
>wake up at 9 am
>hot and sunny day in London
>browse internet on phone then read a book while sitting in my flat and drinking coffee
>everything-stential crisis is flaring up badly
>go jogging
>decided not to go in to work today
>go in to central London and walk about and browse 2 libraries to see more books I feel bad about not reading (and dread reading because they seem boring)
>obviously seeing Staceys everywhere was demoralising
>walk through Notting hill area, seeing rich hipsters living their idyllic lives
>spend barely any time outside before becoming bored and hungry so go back to flat (feeling sad outside feels worse when I know everyone is at work)
>eat and waste time on the internet
>go through vector calculus sections of engineering mathematics textbook to feel like less of a pleb and find it so fucking boring and pointless
>8 pm and now going in to central London to drink coffee and feel sad about life

Today's good: I've avoided junk food for 3 days and it will be over 20 celsius tomorrow, so I won't feel bloated and fat during the heat.

Today's bad: I feel guilty for not reading shitloads of boring as fuck books and learning lots of boring stuff. I'm not even reading my current book (non-famous book about Romans) due to enjoyment. I simply can't bear to do what interests me. This guilt is with me every day and it's worse today for some reason.

Fun Londonfrog facts:

Despite going to the gym I never do arm isolation in case someone looks at me and thinks I'm deluded and pathetic enough to lift for girls when I'm ugly.

I never go outside in jeans and a white t-shirt together for a similar reason as above ("he's too ugly to dress like a Chad")

>be me
>be a 27 year old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club, or party
>wake up at 9 am
>browse internet on phone then read a book about Romans
>have coffee in flat then go to gym
>feel fat but haven't had junk food in two days and workout was ok despite being too tired to lift heavy
>as soon as I left my flat during daytime for the first time since Saturday I felt this surge of pessimism as the image of a blonde Stacey sitting outside during summer with her cool Chad and Stacey friends (like the "cool" kids in school) came to mind and I realised that I am too ugly and loserish (beta demeanour, quiet, shy, lacking in normie interests and etiquette; but it's mostly ugliness) to be accepted by society and it's too late
>realise that spending summer indoors will be my best course of action (doing productive stuff instead of walking around outside, feeling sad like the past year, including last summer)
>leave for work at 4:45 pm and get back to flat by about 6 (decided not to go in to work tomorrow because I left so late today)
>started reading technological slavery on my phone during commuters (recently read Skin in the Game and I'm an empty suit; recently read Atlas Shrugged which I borrowed from the library)
>had read parts of it before but the parts about the lack of power process fulfillment and oversocialisation were painfully true and I'm not a leftist
>wasted 3 hours in evening by eating and browsing internet
>going in to central London at 9 pm to have coffee and feel less alone
>will be my final coffee except maybe tomorrow and possibly other days

>be me
>be a 27 year old ugly beta loser nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club, or party
>wake up at 10 am, feeling tired and fat because of yesterday's binge
>drink coffee in flat and browse internet for 2 hours
>go running (and bodyweight exercises and stretching) and feel a lot better
>return atlas shrugged to library then borrow two more books that are actually interesting
>it's hot and sunny as fuck and I have traumatic flashbacks of last year's lonely summer in London
>Staceys everywhere, which is demoralising as fuck as a disgusting subhuman
>go to British museum
>leave after 5 minutes because I saw "A Very Short Introduction to..." books in the shop and realise how pseudointellectual the entire place is and how I had to leave immediately- not sure if I will go back
>walk around a bit and then go to Shoreditch (hipster capital of Europe, maybe the world)
>place is crawling with young Chads and Staceys in the absolute primes of their lives
>feel like an ugly freak and make an effort not to look at anyone in case I see their look of disgust
>walk away to underground station and see the nightclubbers at 6 pm, with groups of women getting ready to go Chad hunting and groups of loud ladzz that all women love
>ate at McDonalds then binged on junk food at homd
>have little amount of money in bank account but parents haven't called me in a while so I can ask them for money later without guilt

I want to emphasise again how demoralising it is to be an ugly blackpilled loser on a sunny day. I don't see any major incentive to do anything.

>be me
>be 27 year old ugly beta loser blackpilled nofriends autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club, or party
>no passions in life, everything feels like work
>wake up at 10 am
>browse internet a little then read atlas shrugged for about 30 pages but find it so fucking boring
>go to gym and lifting goes well but when I get home I realise that over two weeks of binging on junk food or fast food or both has taken its toll
>go to work and leave after 30 minutes; realise how pathetic I am or not taking advantage of an extra 7.5 hours per day compared to someone unluckier than me
>currently drinking coffee in central London while feeling sad about life
>find atlas shrugged so fucking boring but I'm only reading it for the pseud cred
>suddenly realise there are lots of other boring books I feel like I need to read for the pseud cred
>have no idea how to spend my time at home; feel like I need to learn more maths or else I'm dumb; feel like I need to go through SICP or else I'm dumb; everything feels like work

I feel mentally imprisoned. I simply don't have the ability to relax and do what I want. Even if I do something, I am cucked by Taylorism and feel guilty about how I do it. I always feel bad for not working for 10 hours on a row on one thing or not filling my day with multiple things. This is banal shit but it tortures me.

I have a full time job which miraculously requires almost nothing of me. I moved out and live in London due to it. I should feel lucky but I haven't enjoyed myself at all.

And of course being ugly and blackpilled means I know I have nothing to look forward to in terms of my social and professional life. I am not part of the normie hivemind. Every job interview and job requires you to be a clone who acts happy. I'm the most miserable person I've seen.

My only solace is junk food and fast food but I have to stop because they rape my bank balance. Nothing healthy is tasty.

>currently lying in bed, feeling sad about life
>feel sad because I have failed so many graduate job interviews over the past 5 years, many for jobs better than my current one
>in the UK it's near impossible to succeed in the workplace if you're not an extrovert that is either posh or one of da ladz

>see life as a grind, have no passions, see everything as work
>am a 27 nerdy looking person with a stem degree but I don't have any specialised technical skills
>always did well at school but hated my degree; people my age are figuring out the universe's secrets or proving mathematical theorems or coding machine learning shit that makes millions, while my job is excel monkey public sector empty suit bs
>haven't put effort in to anything ever

>everything feels like work
>enjoy reading books but feel like I have to read lots of boring old books (Aristotle (inb4, he is translated and his surviving work is lecture notes), leviathan, wealth of nations, Dostoevsky (all boring as shit)
>want to learn stuff but feel like I need to learn boring shit first (want to program but feel like I need to go through SICP, which is fucking boring)

>have constant FOMO
>main hobby in the past 3 years has been walking around outside, drinking coffee, feeling sad about life, hoping my 20s spontaneously stops feeling wasted (it didn't)

>am blackpilled as fuck and know women and chads get everything handed to them and my life is on hard mode

Who else has lost all ambition in life due to being a blackpilled ugly autist? Why should I struggle when women and chads get everything handed to them?

Another day spent sad as fuck and blackpilled because I'm too ugly to have friends, a social life, any attention from women. I walked around London but felt sad about life.

All the normies are at the club right now or having sex. All the "qts" are dressed like porn stars and looking for Chad dick. All the Staceys are with millionaires.

Tomorrow I'll wake up, read a boring old book I don't really like, go to the gym, go to the museum, see Staceys who see me as disgusting, drink coffee, then probably binge and waste a lot of time on the internet.

I barely have a career because I can't pass job interviews. In the UK it's near impossible to pass job interviews unless you have a posh accent or are one of da ladz.

I keep trying to give up junk food and coffee but they're the only things that keep me going. I can't bear staying in my flat and doing productive stuff or learning because I feel like a loser wasting my 20s. My main hobby for the past three years has been walking around outside, drinking coffee, browsing the internet, and hoping my youth spontaneously stops feeling wasted. "Jus going outside bro!!!" has not worked yet. Everything feels like work.

What hope is there for someone who is unable to plug in to the normie hivemind? I am a fucking pariah in the UK because of this. I wish I was an American in a society that only cared about money. Or French where everything is just one giant meritocratic bureaucracy. Not this worst of all worlds country.

If you don't go straight from a top 5 uni to law / banking / management consulting, you have failed at life. Working 9 to 5 gives you no life and is ten times worse than working 9-8 because 9-8 implies you have a high paying or prestigious job.

>be me
>be 27 year old ugly beta loser loner autist with no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to a pub, club, or party