/biz/ - Business & Finance

>Bitcoin Superconference comenses and it's Sergey's time to come on stage. "And now we welcome Sergey Nazarov to talk about smart contracts beyond tokenization". A minute comes by and nothing happens. Eventually 10 men start slowing walking from the backstage holding an extremely bulky water tank, one would think be reserved for a large water animal. They place it on the ground and after few seconds the lights in the water tank turn on to reveal 2000 kg Sergey Nazarov, who appears to be levitating in the water tank.

>He is so large it seems that the surrounding fish have created a symbiotic ecosystem around his body and he cannot leave without dying. Rory quickly runs on stage and throws a big mac into the water tank while Sergey's body absorves the big mac and consumes it, still soaked in water and fish shit. Few minutes pass with absolute silence in the room until Sergey finally speaks couple words with an extremely slow, deep and tiring voice: "Hyperledger use chainlink, Microsoft use chainlink, Facebook use chainlink, ethereum use chainlink, mainnet now".

>Everyone in the room starts clapping, cheering and throwing shit at each other and chainlink immidiately skyrockets to $1,000,000 and achieves price singularity. /biz/ then goes on to make 50 additional chainlink threads per day, mostly filled with pictures of the first chainlink city on Mars and private islands of LINK owners, while all the nolinkies proceed to kill themselves at the same time. Sergey receives a noble prize for the most innovative invention of the past 1000 years, President Trump outlaws any other oracle providers beside ChainLink and within years the entire world economy is powered by LINK, which now keeps steady at $1,000,000,000 as the only usable cryptocurrency.

>>/biz/thread/7533653
>Bitcoin Superconference comenses and it's Sergey's time to come on stage. "And now we welcome Sergey Nazarov to talk about smart contracts beyond tokenization". A minute comes by and nothing happens. Eventually 10 men start slowing walking from the backstage holding an extremely bulky water tank, one would think be reserved for a large water animal. They place it on the ground and after few seconds the lights in the water tank turn on to reveal 2000 kg Sergey Nazarov, who appears to be levitating in the water tank.

He is so large it seems that the surrounding fish have created a symbiotic ecosystem around his body and he cannot leave without dying. Rory quickly runs on stage and throws a big mac into the water tank while Sergey's body absorves the big mac and consumes it, still soaked in water and fish shit. Few minutes pass with absolute silence in the room until Sergey finally speaks couple words with an extremely slow, deep and tiring voice: "Hyperledger use chainlink, Microsoft use chainlink, Facebook use chainlink, ethereum use chainlink, mainnet now".

Everyone in the room starts clapping, cheering and throwing shit at each other and chainlink immidiately skyrockets to $1,000,000 and achieves price singularity. /biz/ then goes on to make 50 additional chainlink threads per day, mostly filled with pictures of the first chainlink city on Mars and private islands of LINK owners, while all the nolinkies proceed to kill themselves at the same time. Sergey receives a noble prize for the most innovative invention of the past 1000 years, President Trump outlaws any other oracle providers beside ChainLink and within years the entire world economy is powered by LINK, which now keeps steady at $1,000,000,000 as the only usable cryptocurrency.

Sergey only bangs clown fish now. Or is it rather rape? This according to the anon who spoke with Chainlinks newly hired marketing director:


I just spoke with the new marketing director of Chainlink and he had some pretty interesting things to tell.

We all know that Sergey has gotten kind of big lately, but the last months it has sprialed out of control. He is now so morbidly obese that he cannot support his own weight. Apparently he used a large chunk of the ICO money to install a huge aquarium in his house. He, and I kid you not, spends 22 houres a day in it to release the strain on his knees and back. According to the MD of Chainlink, he has switched to eating fish food. He says it has the optimal balance of minerals an positive vibrations. But the most fucked up thing is that he is supposedly mating with a clown fish. I don't know if the fish consent or not, but with Sergeys current size I don't think he have a say in the matter. Also, once a day he is hoisted out of the tank and onto a couch so that he can watch his favorite TV show Dr. Phil.

>>56149579
>>56149527
>>56149697

why didnt' you buy Chainlink

And back then Link fell out of the top 100.

I know this isn't a Link thread but it's kind of amazing /biz/ was able to find it.

WooooOOOOoOOOOOoooOOOO
WoooOOOOoOOOooo
*Blub blub*
*BLUB*
*blub*blub*blub*

>>26415753

every time i buy it immediately drops like clockwork. how to profit off this?

>>23488877

Let's make a thread about Chainlink for once

Can someone at least explain WTF he means by "alpha leaking"?

Who cares if it dumps based on NEWS. You buy Link for the FUNDAMENTALS. Even if it dumps, you'll still be holding because you believe the FUNDAMENTALS will take it to the moon, RIGHT?

All this theoretical woo and we still don't even have staking

>>15661930

I'm looking at getting one to build my credit score. Given my financial situation I wont have any issue paying it back on time and avoiding interest charges.

But all the rewards for Australia cards are dogshit, does anyone have any good recommendations?

Pic unrelated

>>14777188
Here's what's going to happen:

They'll ask you how their investments are going
You consider telling them the truth, but at the last moment you cave in to your fears and put up an unconvincing facade, telling them the investment is going great
Your dad will immediately notice that you're lying and call you out on it
The pressure becomes too much and you capitulate, bawling at the dinner table and saying how sorry you are for losing half of their money
Your family is in an uproar and dinner is ruined
Your parents immediately "take control", telling you how they knew all along that crypto was a scam and that you need to sell the Link (including your own) pronto
You feel ruined and pathetic so you do as they say
One month later, Link shoots up to $5, and you, feeling FOMO, start begging to your parents and grandparents about how you and them need to get in right now
Your parents overrule you saying that crypto is a scam and that you still haven't learned your lesson
One year later, Link is at $1000 and you become yet another deranged nolinker

Guys, this is fucked up, but hear me out.
I just spoke with the new marketing director of Chainlink and he had some pretty interesting things to tell.

We all know that Sergey has gotten kind of big lately, but the last months it has sprialed out of control. He is now so morbidly obese that he cannot support his own weight. Apparently he used a large chunk of the ICO money to install a huge aquarium in his house. He, and I kid you not, spends 22 houres a day in it to release the strain on his knees and back. According to the MD of Chainlink, he has switched to eating fish food. He says it has the optimal balance of minerals an positive vibrations. But the most fucked up thing is that he is supposedly mating with a clown fish. I don't know if the fish consent or not, but with Sergeys current size I don't think he have a say in the matter. Also, once a day he is hoisted out of the tank and onto a couch so that he can watch his favorite TV show Dr. Phil.

I don't know what to think anymore /biz/. I'm not a professional investor, but I don't think link is a good investment if all of this is true?

Someone should take DMT and ask the machine elves about chainlink

Does anyone know if they have a timeline for when these will be implemented?

Because, you know, these are kind of the make it or break it pieces of functionality...

We're suddenly dumping upwards again.

Does anyone know what the last thing Sergey spoke at was called? I saw a small clip and want to watch the whole thing.

>>13652631

Consensys 2019. A crowd gathers around an empty stage, growing more anxious by the minute. The chatter of the audience is abruptly drowned out with the abrasive whine of heavy machinery. The room fades to darkness while a massive tank of water affixed to multiple 18 inch diameter steel cables is lowered into center stage. The stage floor creaks and buckles as the immense payload lands, splashing water over the edges. A gargantuan, bulbous dark silhouette can be seen writhing about within the tank. Suddenly it is illuminated by the gentle glow of LEDs around the tank perimeter, revealing a grotesque recombinant sea creature with flippers, fins, and the head of a man. Myriad imperfections in the skin bulge, each casting a dancing shadow into the bouncing waves of refracting light. Marbling lumpy fat pockets and rippling rolls in the beasts flesh stretch and contract with the momentum of the sloshing water. Slowly, the abominable creature raises his head to peer out at the crowd. The monster is part whale, part manatee, and all Sergey. Several staff members appear from behind the tank, each tossing several big macs into the water. Sergey's eyes bulge almost completely out of their sockets as he gapes his mouth open like an anaconda, inhaling each burger whole as it sinks toward him, producing sickening, deep, wet sounding esophageal noises. His chest and belly violently contract as each swallow tympanically shakes the floor like beating war drums, spilling more fluid about the tank. Finally, the last burger is consumed, and after a minute or so of Sergey settling his belly and reattaching his lower jaw to his skull, he is ready to speak...