/biz/ - Business & Finance

Kenneth Cordele Griffin has graciously volunteered himself to NASA to embark on the very first one man expedition to the sun. Griffin will tread new ground for all of humanity as he will become the first human to set foot on the surface of the sun. Godspeed, Mr. Griffin.

BREAKING NEWS: Ken Griffin has been arrested on fraud charges
https://bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-12-04/griffin-arrested-after-doj-probe

BREAKING NEWS: Ken Griffin has passed away

According to people familiar with the matter, Kenneth Cordele Griffin will announce tomorrow that his company Citadel Securities has been abusing its market maker privileges and committing financial crimes that endanger retail investors and the overall economy as a whole. Griffin will promptly be arrested and await charges. While it is noble of Griffin to turn himself in, he will most assuredly be facing heavy consequences for his reckless and greedy behavior. Perhaps Griffin's hubris will come as a very costly and harrowing lesson to all of Wall Street.

Sources are telling me that moass is indeed tomorrow.

WAGMI frens

Ken Griffin is a darkie and that’s not okay.

Breaking news: We're about to WAGMI. Gamestop ($GME) to $10,000,000.00 USD tomorrow
sports at 5

Ken Griffin is a porch monkey and a danger to our society.

KEN GRIFFIN IS A PORCH MONKEY.

THIS JUST IN!! DINGLEBERRIES ARE ///NOT/// FRUITS!

Kenneth Griffin's penis fell off today because he chose to continue being a criminal cunt.

This just in: DRS numbers exceeded amount of float, 10K delayed due to ongoing audit. Sports next.

>>54230215
imx announcement and some wagmi games announcement. Dunno why reddit keeps falling for it.

Where do you guys find these wallets to see where the early buys are?

Breaking News: According to people familiar with the matter, the penis of Citadel CEO Kenneth Griffin has fallen off.

BREAKING NEWS: Satan has now filed a lawsuit against Kenneth Cordele Griffin and Citadel Securities on the grounds that the hedge fund has been selling rehypothecated souls. According to people familiar with the matter, the Devil claims that Ken Griffin himself has sold his own soul hundreds of times.
"It's absolutely ridiculous. Each human only has one soul, so how can one guy keep selling it over and over again? It doesn't add up. And they say I'm the evil one."
Citadel has declined to comment.
Coming up next, man dressed as Goofy robs a Toronto GameStop, only steals $20.

Breaking news: According to people familiar with the matter, Kenneth Griffin's penis has fallen off. Attempts to reattach the penis have been in vain. Reports say that Ken has been cursed due to his many financial crimes. Perhaps Wall Street will now think twice before committing financial crimes.

>>53051350
>This just in, we've decided to change the definition of a depression for reasons. Do not be alarmed. Please continue to consume and dump all of your money into a 401k or etf. Tonight's broadcast has been sponsored by Citadel Securities.

>>53048370
My favorite part of the whole goofy saga was when he came to a late night thread that hit damn near 450 posts as everyone kept letting him pull more rope where he used that top mod account to change the slogan on /r/wsb by adding a period to the end of "like 4chan found a bloomberg terminal" which didn't have one previously. I saw it happen live. He then proceeded to say that there was nobody on the mod team by the name of Danny and just generally acted like an onerous faggot the entire time, and judging by what his post style sounded like then and all the other times he's posted here as nf and other personalities he's still around id hopping and continuing to be a right cunt. Honestly at this point I'm beginning to think Boyardee was OIU was NF and those aren't even the only ones, just the ones that seem the absolute most obvious to me.

Can't get much past insomniac schizos even if you try.

>>53026400
.......anon I'm pretty sure GME ties in with the whole "we're in cold war II electric boogaloo" state of the world at the moment, yes there are absolutely people paid to come here and fud. Every nation on earth that matters hires millions of people to do nothing but online sentiment manipulation, is this your first time on the internet?

As foretold by the chart, the next runup is imminent. Can they keep holding it down? Will GME prevail? Stay tuned for answers to these questions and more.

BREAKING NEWS:
Kenneth Griffin accused of murder. According to people familiar with the matter, Ken Griffin has been arrested on suspicion of the brutal murder of Pepe the frog. Pepe was found dead outside of a Miami GameStop store Sunday evening.

FTX, like 9/11, was an inside job by the US government to make power grab moves. This was all to create a distrust of unregulated crypto, so they can pass bills to regulate it closely without any resistance now, just as they are working on creating a digital dollar. This is the US government taking even more freedom from you. They will be able to track everything you do and control you through the digital currency all while being able to print as much as they want with no one knowing. CASH IS KING