/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>58391830
I think its more like
>Be moshe
>Hear that Israel will be carpet bombed by Iran
>Member that you have relatives there
>"Oy Gevalt! My rabbi cousins and my lawyer brother and his family in Israel, are in danger!
>"I love them enough to pay for their tickets to fly to America and live here as kings, but I love my bank accounts even more, and I dont want to waste my precious shekels! What should I do?"
>"Silverstein, my good friend and fellow millionaire investor, give a call to our shabbos goy in the crypto department. Tell him to liquidate the shitcoin investments, and sent these funds to my family in Israel. These investments are pocket change to me, anyways"
>"If shit gets worse though...., start liquidating BTC"

>>49669900
Whoa my lil crypto buddies that latest crash caused my aggressive liquidation tactics have really been a real bummer huh :( heard a lot of crypto retail users have killed themselves, ohh oopsies lol, well to cheer everyone up I got a good news :) all that money drained from the markets will be put to good use since i, the world's most generous trillionaire philanthropist haha =)), have generously decided to donate it all away to the Joe Biden 2024 Re-election Campaign Fund in support of a more inclusive democracy for future generations ^__^ in completely unrelated news, we're also super duper excited to announce that FTX, the most inclusive crypto platform for banking the unbanked, has just been granted total and complete monopoly by Washington regulators, with our big meanie competitors >:( coincidentally being forced to shut down. Haha well that's life my goyi- my good buddies! Stay tuned for more information about my generous donations including an upcoming Zelinsky Freedom Democracy Fund in partnership with our exclusive valuable partners from the top Israeli banks!