/biz/ - Business & Finance

It was a good rush while it lasted.
After some bad trades, I was convinced to gamble my holdings (gambled, not bitmex) as a last resort.

I literally flushed everything I had down the fucking drain chasing the dream.

I didn't want to live a large life. Just a comfortable one.

A life where I didn't have to worry about next months rent, or my phone getting cut off.. getting loans from friends and partners just to stay afloat till next month... till next month...

I'm feeling not with it right now.. a little lethargic?

If I died right now, I'd be happy.. I wouldn't have to end my life like a coward.. but here I am.. ready to meet my maker.. thinking about the most painless way to do it... I've suffered enough and out enough people through my shit...

So many people before me died.. and they had much more promising lives then I ever had... why make me suffer??

I'm not religious by any means, I have no idea what happens when someone dies, nor will I care cause I'll be Fucking dead....

It pains me to think about the few people that do actually care about me and potentially value my life, but they'll move on.. just like everybody else does.

My car was repoed this morning, power getting cut tomorrow along with mobile... rent is due..
I'm fucked

I'm fucked I'm fuckin tired. I'm just so fucking tired oh my fuck I'm tired. Please. My only wish is that I would have a fucking heart attack and die.

I don't know if I can muster up the courage to off myself so I expect I'll be around in the chat for a while if anybody wants to chat...

Nons, I'll tell ya.. I'm tired.. I've been trying to decide how to end it and I think hanging is the best way to do it.
Guns aren't readily available round here.. I've always mocked people that commit suicide but I just can't take it any more. I feel like I haven't actually relaxed in 2-3 years.. constantly in fear of who's knocking on my door or calling me.. my 30th is this weekend coming and I have nothing to show for it.. phone is gonna get disconnected so family won't be able to get in touch with me anyways, received notice that power is gonna get cut this Friday too.
Every time I start getting out of this hole I just fall back in twice as hard. Nothing has gone in my favour in years, it's starting to make me feel crazy
I don't know I don't know I don't fucking knowwww.
I can barely maintain my composure anymore it's reasllly getting to me ... I'm so fucking stressed I can't even think straight