/biz/ - Business & Finance

I'm a 27 year old male on the cusp of ending it all. Death, it seems is the ultimate equaliser. It does not matter whether I'm rich or poor, workout or be a fat slob, find true love or spend my money on escorts. It does not matter whether I spend my free time playing video games or have "meaningful" hobbies like woodworking and travelling. There is no meaning to any of it. All our activities, hobbies, interests are geared towards killing the ONE thing we have: time. We spend several decades killing time, waiting for our inevitable death, growing frail, old and out of touch in the process. Why go through that misery when you can end it all today? I'm well adjusted, I have a job, a wife, a loving family. But there is no meaning to any of it. Sooner or later I will by buried six feet under and my hobbies and experiences with me. My demise now would be merely an acceleration of the inevitable

How does /biz/ deal with growing old?

I and my friends didn't have much money, but we had plenty of time. Time to ride around in an old car doing burnouts, playing video games and other dumb shit. Time to crash parties. Time to get involved in some light debauchery. Time to rail against authority when it came down on you after you flex a little freedom.

It felt like it would never end. We were always bored and waiting. Waiting to go to college, waiting to be un-grounded, waiting for that stupid class to end. Waiting for total freedom.

We had so much time, and we were always waiting, feeling like we're on the cusp of something else. Something bigger, something better, something different. The problem is that freedom comes so slowly that you don't realize when you finally have it, you've dumped responsibilities into the mix. These days you have no time, and you don't spend any time waiting. Everything must happen now. Now you have to get up for work at a shitty career you never thought you'd end up in to support the family you never thought you'd have with what sounds like more money than you ever thought you'd earn, but it is all spent so damn quickly.

You sit back and wonder where it all went. What changed? What happened? One day you were bored and restless waiting on the cusp of something else. Something big.

The millstone around your neck grows so slowly you never notice it until it's unbearable.
All that remains is angst, despair and memories that remind you of a simpler time long gone. You wish for it to come back and wish for it all to be like it was but with each passing year you become more jaded until even those memories are taken away from you.


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