/biz/ - Business & Finance

I don't know, until when I need to say "It is okay" to my all dumb surrounding people.

My brother who is 5 years elder than me asked me to lend him money after being mindless neet for 2 months.
I handed over the money telling him "It's fine"

my mother , who divorced and left the entire family behind when i was 3 years, lately met and said "I couldn't do it because I am not a superwoman obviously"
I said "I understand mother how harsh you'd gone through"

My father. Alcoholic for his entire life. only recently sober after I literally did bunch of show for him.
- Do not have any of touch with him anymore because he was the worst.

I work with my elder cousin, and he is probably 9 years elder than me and he once told me his worries how he is spending too much of money to a whore.
he said, he spends like 1k ~ 1.5k usd monthly at least.
And the whore is actually a shemale. literal shemale.
I said , "It's ok. sexual lust is just one of basic human desire and it is especially harsh for men to get it controlled. you will be fine"

and inside of me every night time being alone, I remind their all nonsenses and there emerges a serious desire wanting to murder all these people.

/biz/ I'm really at the edge of bubble burst. I already know the solution, but already got too tangled with them all.

those all people who should've been close to me and cherishable became irresponsible monsters.
and where's the confidence to lay down all those irresponsibilities right in front of me?
Should I really murder them all ?

around me there are only the type of people who are addicted to self-victimize and feel too comfortable for being passive and doing nothing at all in their lives.

and yet accusing news , outside world,

and yet never ever being courageous enough to look back anything and achieve anything in their own hands. voluntarily.

just staying in 'good' and 'nice' sides and accusing whatsoever 'devil' concept feeling too much comfort, and have excuse that

"This failure I have is because of the trauma that I've gone through as I was in child."
"This is because of the teacher I met in the elementary school"
"This is all fault of my parents"
and yet it comes out from an adult age around mid-20 to mid-30.

unfortunately every surrounding human beings around me , family & girlfriend are exactly that type.
and I feel, uncontrollable amount of rage whenever I hear their bullshit intendingly playing victim and making drama scene.
my blood literally boils imagining murdering them.

What do? /biz/?

I know it is a board for discussing finance,

but since finance is the very first element that needs to be settled, and since I am struggling to get through everything else to even reach to the main topic,

Here's the rough scenery what I've gone through below.. and now... as age 26, It seems it's so tight to find any exit for me...

1. 2015.
got conscripted. did suicide attempt to get off the duty.

2. 2016.
labor in construction. age 19. I originally was from alcoholic household, suicidal father, (mother is gone, one elder brother dosen't care) , with the money I earned from construction I finally made to live all alone just by myself.

3. 2016 ~ 2018.
Finest moment in my life. No chicks, no shitshows, just pure balance. I could plan what I wanted, and I could get done what I planned. Learnt programming languages and had finished a few projects, lost some of money in crypto, though Everything was generally okay.

4. 2019.
Feeling confident and comfy enough, I thought I could somehow, revive the concept of abandoned, sick, mentally ill , broken family.

5. I setup some e-commerce websites for them, under their name, under their bank accounts, (my dad and my bro - mom? she left us when i was 3.)
Of course I was the only one who had to do all the shit works just because these guys didn't even know and not even willing to do. Just the type of people preferring to be in vague coziness dumping and abandoning duties.


6. 2020.
my father was at the edge of suicide. as usual. So I took abroad trip with him. for about 1 year. It was towards cheap SEA countries.
seemed good. had some memories.
but obviously since here I've started to lose the momentum to continue my own stuffs at all.


7. 2019 ~ 2021.
Did some shit show with the chicks. I thought it's finally something to do just like any other 20's.
Now I just regret. or at least I would say I've grown from having pussies. eventually landed to one girl, promised to have marriage when things are all done