/biz/ - Business & Finance

I saw the mother of all short squeezes start. I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending earth-shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen everyone in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever have or ever will produce, shot out so hard that my dick was ripped apart by my übernut accelerating to 5% the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized my desktop as it punched right through it, barely slowed, before cutting through a structural support beam in citadel hq as if it were a nuclear-powered angle grinder. The sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path, caused the hedgie capital to collapse, and every female in the state of Illinois to fall pregnant with my children. When the final death toll was tallied, there were 146 deaths, 458 injuries, and over 4 million pregnancies. As I lay dying under the rubble of Citadel, I rest easy, knowing every one of my sons will repeat my glorious actions. Goodbye.