/biz/ - Business & Finance

>those 2 years after college where I couldn't pass job interviews because I'm an ugly sperg
>that job I had where I was given no work
>that manager who freaked out at me and shouted at me for not being an ubernormie
>now in an ok job and I am settled but can see how normieness and relationships is everything
>rent cripples my ability to save

It's so tiresome. How do I get out of this grind? I don't want to be judged by peer review.

>company's "diversity lead" emails everyone to say they're holding listening workshops
>recommends that book by that black guy who proposed making some sort of department of racial equality, which would have total power to do anything it wants in the name of racial equality (not a joke)

What the fuck is going on?

>be me yesterday
>woke up, did work, finished work at around 5.30 and went for a walk because it was so sunny
>went for a long, probably nostalgia inducing, kino walk, while listening to Cum Town
>came home, had a medium junk food binge and felt so fat
>woke up this morning
>felt normal (but still need to lose weight)
>played vidya
>went to store to buy coffee
>played vidya, drank coffee
>read book (lower-midwit non-fiction book published in past few years)
>now eating

Yesterday's walk was very kino. I listened to most of the Eric Weinstein interview with Bret Easton Ellis and the first half of it where they reminisce over their youths in Los Angeles was super kino kill yourself for not being a rich handsome Californian tier. Then they talked more about politics and it was kind of cringe. I had to switch to Cum Town. I listened to an episode made in early 2019 and the quality is much higher than now.

Work is becoming a grind, but thankfully I will move divisions soon. There is so much process and bureaucracy.

I made a topic yesterday that had an OP with just the text below. I don't even find solidarity with 4chan any more. It's filled with normies.

>>I will never ever have sex with a woman without paying for it unless I ask one out and risk being laughed at and humiliated or make an online dating profile and receive no matches because only Chads get any attention

The vidya I'm playing is almost over and I feel so sad. I've played it for over 100 hours.

>suggest minor and obvious changes to a thing
>get told I have to write out all my changes and submit a short report to some overstaffed committee, even though I've written it all out in an email and Asana (project management website)

>one of my managers asks me to create some OKRs for a product
>he wants all the data collection to be totally automated and I don't even know if it can be
>unsure whether asking the technical team dumb questions will look bad or not
>know that nobody will ever look at or care about these statistics; literally nobody gives a fuck

>another boomerish person complains about how many emails he has received from me asking for suggestions
>only asked because he'd complain if I kept him out the loop
>he points out 5 emails... in a span of 6 months

>practically every single employee's brain shuts down if they have to use Asana or Slack for the first time; it's fucking unbelievable

Coronavirus is the only thing keeping me sane. Doing all this with an almost one hour commute each way would be tough.

I could do a better job than these boomers. But it's not the higher ups that are really bad, it's the people on my level. If you work in a project with people from multiple divisions, getting other employees to contribute anything is like pulling teeth. It's unbelievable. The exception is if you ask them for a routine thing that's part of their job. Is everyone but me a super important person who is too busy working on super important high level stuff? Am I missing something?

>had a 3 day weekend
>felt so full of hope on Thursday evening
>played vidya all evening and the next day, felt like a millionaire, comfy levels off the charts
>Saturday morning was when I read 100 pages as the sun shone
>played lots of vidya
>day went by so fast
>Sunday was similar, but with a walk that felt pointless, and jogging which was ok, but it all had a mournful atmosphere
>12:05 am right now
>5 solid working days ahead...

Does anyone in a generic office else feel like they muddle through the day? I have a lot to do and it has no clear deadlines. Nothing has clear standards. I have too many emails to answer. I could work for 2 hours extra at the end of each day and only a moderate amount would change.

I have to keep sending email reminders to ask people to do stuff. I have responsibility without authority.

My job isn't awful. I get credit for work that other people do. But everything has this nebulous feel. And my manager's perception of me decides my final performance evaluation. I have been pigeonholed as an autist so I will never rise high.

good job jannies

>woke up
>drink coffee, browse internet
>go to job for retailcuck job but only a part time one
>go back home, eat healthy food
>it's such a sterile day
>go outside
>go for a pointless walk while listening to podcasts
>read 40 pages of the dense, pseudy, boring but extremely famous book in the car
>currently planning to have a fast food binge, then a junk food binge, then watching QT with pol, then I'll give up junk food tomorrow (yesterday's McDonalds binge didn't seem "definitive" enough to mark the border between my binging self and the start of my real life)
>currently drinking Starboocks

Being fat is demoralising. I'm so impatient when it comes to anything. A well structured exercise routine, no junk food, and good sleep beats hard exercise. Boring applied autism beats inspiration: this is the modern world summed up.

I watched a vlog of an ivy league student and felt sad. He does an interesting subject and so many extracurriculars. Elite Murrikan students are all type A producerbulls. I am jealous. Though in the UK people don't need to work this hard because they're already sorted by poshness of accent.

Flashback 1: Aimlessly walking around the Liverpool Street station area on an extremely hot and sunny bank holiday, with absolutely nothing to do.

Flashback 2: My last exam of a university year, on a cloudy day. I remember going home after the exam for a subject I gave no fucks about, at a university where I had no friends, and realising how uninspiring it was.

Flashback 3: Driving on a hot summer (between university years, so no life pressure) morning to a part time job, on track for being late (as usual and no hecks given, lol).

I simply feel cucked by everything I do, don't do, and how I do them. I hate all oppressive spooks yet I am a slave to habit.

To develop my theory further: Habit is not conscious, and it could be considered cucky to let yourself be a spectator to your own actions. But the character count stops me from writing more.

>woke up
>bought lots of non-junk food yesterday
>eat a day's worth of non-junk food, drank coffee, browsed internet
>went outside in car but weather was bad and my car's heating wasn't working so I didn't read in the car, I just had a Starboocks and went back home to watch Federer Vs Nadal
>buy junk food on way home; can't remember what justification I thought but I'm sure it's the last binge
>have the small binge
>Federer Vs Nadal is cancelled
>waste time on mindless internet browsing
>now it's 9:17 pm and I've decided to leave the gym until tomorrow

I feel so scammed by Starbucks. The people there are such ubernormies.

The book I'm reading is so boring, it's unreal.

>be me during previous two days
>wake up, browse internet and drink coffee, go for a walk outside while feeling sad, have a large fast food binge, go back home, maybe a bit more junk food while telling myself it's the last time, browse internet instead of read, don't go to gym
>be me today
>woke up
>browsed internet, drank coffee
>went to full time retailcuck interview: the store was DEAD and 8 hours there would seem like an eternity, though I doubt I passed
>had another retailcuck phone interview and interview invite (<20 hours a week)
>weighed myself and I'm now 265 lbs: today has to be the last junk food day or else wtf
>plan to go for a walk, read, and not sure what else today

I barely read anymore. I am currently reading a boring 600 page pseudy non-fiction book. I feel guilty when I read only one book at a time. I feel guilty when I read more than one book at a time.

I wrote down a checklist of stuff I want to do (just minor habits or one-off things) and I almost deleted it because it felt like an oppressive spook.

I'm so sad that Brexit is being cucked. I really hope that May's deal doesn't pass. May's deal is a stab in the back of the public. A delay would be a spit in the face. A new referendum in any form would literally be the establishment shitting in the public's face. But I'm such a loser for paying attention to politics. I wish I was one of those ignorant highly paid Remain voters who say stupid shit like, "Leave voters were tricked." Being blackpilled is a full time job.

Jogging as a fatty is a joke. I remember randomly deciding to start jogging as a sedentary healthy weight person many years ago and I was easily better than now. All that jogging in the past few years was a waste compared to what avoiding junk food would have done. And I would have saved shitloads of money. But setting myself rules feels like surrendering to spooks.

I googled "LinkedIn [my future graduate job] Cambridge university]" and felt sad. I can't outnormie these people.

>woke up
>drank coffee and started reading a non-pseud-cred-filled fiction book
>gave up on it after 10 pages
>started a really pseud cred filled old non-fiction book and read 40 pages
>went jogging
>ate regular food and browsed internet
>went driving outside
>didn't go walking but drive around, had a bag of sweets and chocolate, browsed internet on phone while drinking Starboocks
>feel the good sort of tired, after the jogging
>plan to go back home and browse internet and read

When I now read non pseud cred fiction, I feel cucked by the author when they deviate in any way from pure enjoyment. I have lost patience for it.

I have 3 retailcuck interviews in the upcoming days and I live in fear of getting a job and losing my free time, despite needing the money (2 months of full time minimums wage work would make me feel rich). Can't stand full time work. Can't stand part time work (full time suffering but more time until financial freedom). My previous retail job was over 40 hours a week and it was a total soul sucker.

London flashback: Early on in my job, when I went for a job interview during my lunch break and was worried about being noticed for my lateness (lol). I travelled a few underground stops to get to the other place. What innocent days.

>woke up
>browsed internet and drank coffee
>went to a retailcuck job interview
>went back home and drank cola
>went outside but it's already 4.14 pm so I'll have a short walk, then maybe coffee, then a binge, then reading, then the gym, then watching qt with /pol/

Even though the interview was short and easy, having anything at all on my schedule felt like an oppressive spook. A patrician intellectual such as myself is sensitive to all spooks.

Literally nothing else to report. After two days of summer, the weather is back to being dull as fuck. The BBC website says that in Los Angeles it is cloudy and 19 degrees Celsius.

>>12869201
tfw you bought at 500 on idex. tfw when you sold at 800 because you fell for the fud. tfw you fomo back in at 1500. you are not alone fren

>woke up
>had a bit of junk food, coffee, mindlessly browsed internet
>found out my NEETbux was less than I expected for the past month, which was a bit bad but nothing catastrophic
>went walking around a park, while feeling sad about life
>currently drinking Starboocks
>plan to go back home, binge, browse internet, then go to the gym

I'm just so bored. I can't get out of my 5+ year depression / burnout, though I see it as more of an utter lack of motivation.

I hate having spooks.

It's funny that I still can't really see the value of money. I don't feel pain when paying £3 for coffee. I'm sure that I'm also paying for the idea of myself as a non-materialistic thinker (or, at least, a non-cuck), plus the caffeine clearly gives me an aimless energy and optimism.

>woke up at 10 am with an alarm because I had an interview for a retailcuck job
>drink coffee, go to interview, go back home and do chores
>drink coffee while eating the junk food I didn't eat yesterday
>get message saying I was rejected after a job interview for a retailcuck job I went to a few days ago- thought I'd get it but didn't want it but now kind of wanted it like a little cuckslave wanting a shed
>go outside to feel sad about life
>thotfus everywhere, which makes me feel sad
>go to park to walk around
>listen to the Joe Rogan podcast with the guy that crossed the Antarctic and I feel like a slug in comparison
>reminds me of the David goggins podcast months ago which made me feel motivated until I went to bed that night
>now that I'm starting my job later this year, I looked up people I used to know on LinkedIn and i realised that I'm not even behind in life, career wise
>have a really fucking big fast food meal, so I've had all three of McDonalds, KFC, and burger king in the past week
>buy junk food but eat none of it: saving it for tomorrow's One Last Binge
>mindlessly browse internet and it's 11:38 pm right now

I keep giving myself final deadlines to get out of my rut or else I'll self impose rules, but I then delete the rules ahead of time because I think they're self limiting. If I don't give up junk food tomorrow, I don't know wtf I'll do.

And I need to mentally condition myself to do productive stuff in my free time. But again, if I actually try anything to change my mentality, I feel like a phony. It's like I get in a boxing match with the world and while they batter me with their spooks I tie myself up and tell myself I should remain spookless.

London flashback: Walking through Liverpool Street Station on a sunny day during a 2 hour lunch break, seeing that my second paycheck came through, getting a monkey brain endorphin rush, as I then pay £4 for sandwiches and £3 for coffee while telling myself that I'll spend money wisely afterwards.

Guess who I am?

Guess where I am?

Guess why I'm here?

Guess how I'm feeling?

Guess what popular fast food restaurant I gorged at last night in a vain attempt to overcome my everythingstential crisis?

>woke up early at 8.30 am to go to a job interview at 10.30 am
>go to interview and it was one of those really casual interviews where I have a zero pressure conversation and will get rejected later
>the guy asked me what I do in my (huge amounts of) free time and I couldn't say anything other than reading and exercising- he tried to draw out more but I don't think saying "wasting gigantic amounts of time in the midst of a 5+ year long everythingstential crisis" would improve my chances of getting the job
>go back home to have yesterday's spare junk food: a tub of Ben and Jerry's, sweets, plus coffee
>have now gone outside to feel sad about life
>planning maybe one last binge today before I start my real life tomorrow (maybe a subway binge)
>will walk around a park and have Starboocks right now, have the binge at home, then read until the evening, when I will maybe go to the gym then watch qt with pol

Maybe this is the sugar and caffeine making me say this, but I have a good feeling about starting my real life tomorrow.

As soon as I walked in to the office I felt this oppressive wagecuck aura, even though it was a fancy modern office.

The interviewer exposed the fact that I'm a consumercuck, at best, and not a producerbull. Normies go on holidays on weekends. I have years of free time and do fuck all. I would also out mindless internet browsing in to a sub-consumercuck category. But I felt no pressure at the interview, which was new.

>woke up at 10 am
>browse internet while drinking coffee
>go jogging
>realise how fat I am
>left house to drive around and feel sad about life
>have multiple job interviews coming up, one prestigious graduate job, one ok office job, two retailcuck jobs
>told myself I'd have no more junk food but I can't think of anything except burgers that will make me happy about life right now
>will walk around a park, then drink Starbucks at eets pyoorest, and then consider what I'll do for the rest of the day
>have barely read anything for the past few days I have descended below consumercuckoldry

Life goes on. It's impossible to have any motivation in life.

>woke up at 11 am
>got the "why don't you get a job, there are thousands of jobs, you're too old to be like this" talk from my mum
>she even knows that I will start a good job later this year (though with boomers it's hard to tell whether they can really understand you or remember things you told them days ago)
>in previous versions of this talk, she has said stuff like "why don't you go traveling"; she isn't sad that I'm not rich, she's sad because I'm a lifeless consumercuck wasting his 20s
>have spent all my time today drinking coffee and mindlessly browsing the internet
>it's too cold to waste time outside
>plan to binge some more, read a book, have decided to skip exercise today though I'm on track with the routine

Yesterday's whinepost summed things up so there's not much more to say.

If I don't start my real life on Monday, I don't know when the fuck I'll do so. I'll hopefully start working on productive things and giving up junk food.

In theory I have absolutely nothing to do, it's 4:15 pm, I could do something productive for 6 hours. But there is a mental block stopping me.

I'm feeling fat again because of today's Doritos.

>woke up
>feel so fucking fat due to binging every day this year but then have a huge shit
>planned to go jogging but decide not to
>wasted time on internet while drinking coffee
>ate the junk food that I didn't eat yesterday
>went in to town to reconfirm my NEETbux
>go to library
>decide to borrow non-fiction because reading fiction feels like it doesn't add to me as a person (conversation); I feel like a bit of a non person
>borrow one old book that gives lots of pseud cred; one new book that gives a medium amount of pseud cred (history / economic book by an academic); and borrow one pulpy fiction book so the librarians don't think I only borrow books for the pseud cred
>go to supermarket to buy junk food so that I can complete today's last binge ever
>see lots of Staceys and feel sad
>binged and wasted more time on internet
>currently sitting in comfy mode, writing this, drinking coffee, about to start one of the books
>have just decided not to bother going in to gym until tomorrow

I have decided not to even bother telling myself that I'll do productive things tomorrow. Maybe I will then do so.

The streets are filled with student Staceys, which remind me of my horrific time at university.

I am so desperate to stay unspooked, I can't even tell myself I'll do X tomorrow. It has to be a spontaneous choice made at the moment. All procrastination is like the desire to stay unspooked.

Londonfrog checking in for my late night post. I did my major rant in the afternoon. Since then I had a large fast food binge and also a medium sized junk food binge (Ben and Jerry's, large chocolate bar, sweets, popcorn, pepsi max). I don't know how I had the appetite for it.
It's 12.43 am and I'll stop eating junk food now. I'm sure my healthy diet will start today.

I have a job interview in London soon but the company booked the travel for me, so I won't have a lot of time for walking around and feeling sad in my favourite spots.

I played minesweeper so much on my computer and managed to get a good time today. I realised as I was playing that the randomness plus quick feedback made it a Skinner box that ensnares suckers.

My internet time wasting has been so intense in 2019, I have finished only one short book since Christmas day. I'm not even a good consumercuck. My producerbull / consumercuck model needs a third category with a catchy name for someone like myself right now who mindlessly browses the internet and who doesn't even consume hard to digest stuff. Maybe the name would be ZombieNPC or NPCuck.

But I hope to improve from now.

>woke up at about 10 am, I think
>watch a bit of a boring tennis match and drink coffee while browsing the internet
>go outside to have starboocks at eets pyoorest
>threw away my house's coffee because I gave it up
>buy junk food and coffee and binge at home instead of fast food outside because the weather is cold and depressing
>have had my Last Binge Ever and I'm currently drinking coffee before I go to the gym for the first time in 8 days
>currently browsing internet and listening to mid 00s pop-punk-scene-emo-whatever-core i.e., the music of the teenage parties I never went to because I was too much of an ugly loser (though not nofriends, though not closefriends)
>the music is really hitting home how much my life has ended, as a 28 year old with no friends, blablabla
>current life plan is to stop the junk food, and hope I start working on productive stuff in my free time tomorrow
>considered making myself schedules or deadlines this morning, in a moment of weakness, but realise that I must learn to live as a truly free range human or else I have failed at life
>currently NEET but will have a prestigious job later this year

I need to give up the junk food so that when I go back to London I can walk around the city sadly as a non-overweight person. No fat person can be sad in a truly profound manner.

Wow, this was a really pointless day, even by the standards of my previous wasted days

>woke up at around 1 pm or noon
>wasted time on internet while drinking coffee
>went to supermarket to buy junk food at about 6 pm
>had only a small Last Binge Ever and threw away some of it without eating any
>wasted more time on the internet and it's 10 pm now
>was about to go to gym but suddenly lost all motivation because I wouldn't be lifting heavy anyway

I set myself reminders on my phone for the next morning to tell myself to give up junk food and sometimes coffee but I never care about them when I wake up. I feel like there's a big mental barrier that stops me doing anything productive.

I got invited to a job interview for a good job in London today.

I feel so pathetic for wasting so much free time. I also feel cucked for having coffee and not being willing to give it up but also cucked for thinking I should give it up.

I play minesweeper a lot lol. By a lot I mean 1.5 hours but when people my age are NFL players or tennis players then it underlines my worthlessness.

>woke up at around 10 am or something
>watch Federer lose and feel sad
>browse internet, drink coffee, eat food
>go jogging a few hours later (first exercise in six days)
>only jog for a short time but puke after jogging uphill because I had eaten too soon beforehand
>hurt my ankle on a kerb when walking home but it's fine now
>go outside and currently drinking Starbucks coffee
>considering one last fast food binge tonight before throwing away the coffee in my house and TRULY starting real life tomorrow
>plan to watch NFL with the lads on spuh
>remember watching superbowl in 2015 and telling myself I'd work hard and reset my life on the day after

I am currently midway through 5 books but only infrequently reading all but 1.

I am currently lolling and outraged at the outrage against the maga hat kid but also disgusted with myself for paying attention to passing news at the expense of doing anything with my life. I am such a meek non-doer. I am an overthinker. Or maybe I am Plato's ideal citizen, completely unproductive and paying attention to things.

My past 5 days have all followed the same "wake up late, bit of coffee and internet, going outside for Starbucks, new last binge ever, more internet, decide at 9 pm that I'll exercise tomorrow" formula. I am NEET but I am only pathetic because I cannot take advantage of my free time. I need to will myself to become a free range human.

I abhor having any life rules or schedule or daily lists to follow because they make me feel cucked. But, ironically, I am a slave to habit. Literally a Josef Fritzl victim tier slave to habit lol. The false hope is like a form of Stockholm syndrome. "H-habit will let me go t-tomorrow..."

I had this mini epiphany about my constant whining. I think it shows some self esteem to think my life is worth whining about. I don't care about the starving children, thank you very much.

I just want the ability to work hard on productive stuff in my free time, through my own initiative.