/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>19126449
Seriously. I feel like I spent the first quarter of my life struggling to climb up a hill only to learn that there's a ski-lift that takes me to the top. Everyone's told me the whole time that the ski-lift was dangerous as all fuck and that I should never even consider using it.

I lost all hope. I was 25 and had already wasted so much time and money on a cocktail of different prescribed antidepressants and anti anxiety treatments that did nothing but solidify the concept of me being "broken beyond repair." I was literally at the point of my life where I indulged in the most self-destructive acts I could think of, because I wanted it all to end. I was ruining the relationship with the only person who's ever legitimately loved me, and who I love more than anything else. I was purposefully doing nothing but browsing the web all day at work. I was neglecting my sleep, hygiene, and probably eating like 400 calories a day and only a single cup worth of water.

I had my suicide planned out. I needed everything around me to come crashing down. So I decided to do the "most degenerate" thing I could just to prove to myself I was at the point of no return. Took a heroic 12g dose of Penis Envies. Granted, it was a hellish trip. But I needed that, honestly. I'm in the camp of "no such thing as a bad trip, just challenging trips that show you what you may not be prepared for." I tackled the worst parts of my psyche head on, I was able to look at my thought patterns from an outside perspective, I was able to spot all lies I've been telling myself (that I TRULY believed). I needed to experience what felt like an eternity of death, to be reborn as someone who understood why my mind worked the way it did, why I was making no progress, and what changes I needed to make in order to truly enjoy life.

And I've never once in my first 25 years of life been able to utter the phrase "I love life, and I enjoy being alive." But I can say it now. I love life. Thank to shrooms.