/biz/ - Business & Finance

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through /smg/
Not an anon was lurking, not even Baggie.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a some shares of a stock would be there.

The anons were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of green bars danced in their heads.
And I after checking on my GME,
Had just settled my brain to sleep as I pleased.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon bright above over new-fallen snow,
Surely was that of our portfolios,
When what to my gain-seeking eyes did flicker,
But a miniature sleigh showing eight shilled tickers,

With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his cheery self came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called stocks by name:

"Now, UTZ! now, UUUU! now TSM and CRSR!
On, CLF! on, VALE! on, AMD and PLTR!
To the top of the market! Shorters will bawl!
A bull run! A bull run! A bull run for all!"

And then, with three dings, I heard ringing above
The market bells sounding with cheer and love.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed half in fur, and was missing his shoes,
And said something about the Fed and the jews;
A sack full of stocks he had flung on his back,
He looked like a bagholder, but I couldn't say that.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And piled up some presents; then turned with a jerk,
And then as he finished I examined the stack,
To find /smg/'s present was shares of NAK;

He sprang to his sleigh, and flashed me a wink,
As I started to scream and turn rather pink.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, take my bags and good night!”