/biz/ - Business & Finance

An ICPoor goes on vacation.
He chooses Venezuela since, like all ICPoors, he's severely broke.
Upon arriving, our ICPoor (whose name is Dom) gets severely bullied by locals, it seems like wearing skirts as a male isn't normalized yet there as faggotry is still taboo.
Dom instantly runs away & locks himself in the airport's bathroom. He eventually manages to calm down, deciding to spend the whole trip (3 days) at the airport, but only after sexting with his bf Poomar via Facetime (his favorite coping mechanism).
Seems like all ICPoors are not only severely broke, but also massive faggots too.

An ICPoor goes to a computer shop.
A wagie approaches him
>"Hello! How can I help you?"
The ICPoor replies
>"uhhhh I-I'm just looking"
>(all ICPoors are severely broke)
However, he's left astonished upon realizing there's no such thing as "Internet Computers".
The ICPoor locks himself in the store's bathroom, and calls his middle-eastern boyfriend Poomar.
Since Poomar didn't show up (he's on his 4chan shift), our ICPoor settles for jacking off to Poomar's old nudes.
It seems like all ICPoors are massive faggots too.

An ICPoor buys a Spotify subscription.
It only lasted one month since that's all he could afford after getting dumped on by Dfinity.
His most listened artists/bands?
>imagine dragons
>coldplay
>taylor swift
>ice spice
Seems like all ICPoors are not only severely broke, but also massive faggots.

An ICPoor goes to a rap battle as a contestant.
1st battle is, oddly, against another ICPoor.
First ICPoor starts:
>"You might think you're a faggot, I'm sorry but that's not the case, I go into the mic and suck your cock with rage, the Entry price is $50, and my hope is no longer with me, The Internet Computer got me actin' kinda silly!"
Then, the second ICPoor (worth mentioning he's black) replies:
>"You suck my cock with rage I find that disrespectful, I'm such a faggot I make Dom look heterosexual, you might think you're broke, but you're nowhere near my level, my entry-price is $90 and I'm still living in the call-center NIGGGAAAAAAA!"
The battle ends in a draw after they both start making out, ruining the whole event.
Seems like all ICPoors are not only severely broke, but also massive faggots.

Hey, wanna see a magic trick?
I will summon a bunch of ICPoors with two simple steps:
>*throws $5 bucks onto the ground*
>*unzips pants and pulls out a fat cock*
Now we wait.

An ICPoor applies for a job.
Even though being a janitor might seem degrading to some people, the ICPoor was very enthusiastic about it
>(all ICPoors are severely broke).
Surprisingly, he gets the job, but misfortune was about to strike the ICPoor again.
He got laid off after a week because his manager found him pulling up the mop into his anus.
>(all ICPoors are massive faggots).

An ICPoor enters a restaurant.
Once inside, he asks the waiter for the cheapest meal available.
>'Well sir, we've got some excellent fries for $2
The ICPoor asks for a portion of fries ($2) and two glasses of water (free), one for himself and the other for his boyfriend.
Turns out all ICPoors are not only severely broke, but also massive faggots.

An ICPoor goes to a music concert.
Initially, he wanted to go see Taylor Swift (all ICPoors are massive faggots) but turns out he didn't have enough funds to actually make it (all ICPoors are severely broke).
In the end, he chose to attend a local music gig: Troon (a Tool tribute sponsored by Fantom).

The End.

As soon as he takes the 1st dab, he starts having gay thoughts.
Thing is, all ICP baggies are closeted homosexuals.

He buys tickets for "Barbie", and doesn't buy popcorn or soda since all ICP baggies are massively poor.
Once inside, he sits right next to an ADA holder. They get along really quickly, and both share the Barbie experience together.
40 minutes in, they start making out really loudly, leaving everyone in the place feeling really awkward.
Thing is, all ICP baggies & ADA hodlers are massive faggots.

An ICP baggie goes to a job interview.
(He desperately needs it since all ICP baggies are severely poor).
However, as soon as the H.R. Manager sees him, he instantly calls security.

>catalog
>ctrl + f
>"ICP"
>0/0
/biz/ is healing.

What's the favorite antivirus of an ICP baggie?
>Avast Security

>>55195152
Honestly, the SEC can suck my giant cock.
Emin is an advisor for the CFTC, rest assured if you're scare your bag will be classified as an unregistered security then you're most likely hodling a scam.

He patiently waits for his turn, he's 100% sober as ICP baggies have no money for booze.
His turn finally arrives, and he gets on stage.
>the ICP baggie selects «My Heart Will Go On» from Céline Dion
>tfw he has 0 pitch
Everyone is annoyed, and uncomfortably wait for the song to end.
All of a sudden, someone joins the stage.
An HBAR baggie joined the ICP baggie in an act of shitcoinery brotherhood.
>tfw HBAR baggie has 0 pitch too
The place is an absolute mess.
Finally, the song comes to an end.
>not a single clap
The HBAR baggie & the ICP baggie start making out on stage.
Everyone is horrified, and they get kicked out of the place.
They both leave happily and probably went to have gay sex.
Thing is, all HBAR & ICP baggies are massive faggots.

The prize for first place seems very juicy ($50)
>(he's massively poor)
Then, he proceeds to pick his main, Peach.
>(he's a massive faggot too)

Once inside, he starts looking for Banana Fish merchandise.
After 10 minutes, he finally finds a stand selling Banana Fish items.
>good evening vendor-san!! n.n how much for this t-shirt?
the ICP baggie asks.
Then, the vendor replies
>Oh! You like Banana Fish? That's my favorite anime!
They immediately start making out right on the spot, in under 20 seconds the ICP baggie gets a huge load in his ass, leaving everyone in the convention horrified, kids included.
The thing is, Banana fish fans and ICP baggies share something in common.
They are both giant faggots.

fully alone, he asks
>"2 happy meals please"
the cashier then proceeds to charge him
>"oh here I got some coupons btw"
the baggie said.
>cashier checks the coupons
>tfw literally free meal
the cashier doesn't bother though, and gives the HBAR baggie his pair of happy meals.
then, he heads outside and gets in his car, his ICP trannie gf was waiting for him.
>"did the coupons work?"
the IC{ trannie asked.
>"yeah baby"
the HBAR baggie replied.
Then they proceed to make out in the parking lot.
After all, all ICP & HBAR baggies are gay and broke.

>>55143270
Cope forever faggot

He asks the bartender for a drink
>"can I have a Margarita please?"
the bartender then gives him/her/they margarita (all ICP baggies are trannies). Free of charge.
The ICP baggie is left astonished and happily leaves with his margarita.
The bartender knew he/she/they was poor, so that drink was on the house.
How did he know? Easy.
The ICP baggie was wearing ICP merchandise.

>>55129730
Unfathomably based anon, can you post this on future generals?
>>55130808
500 AVAX (sui)
2,000 AVAX (enough to become a validator)

An HBAR baghodler enters a bar, he's about to meet his ICP online gf.
Once inside, he starts looking around for her, yet she's nowhere to be found.
He then feels a soft tap on his right shoulder
>'hey anon, it's me'
she's a trans woman.
>'I know it might be surprising, I'm so sorry I didn't let you know before'
HBAR baggie is left shocked, and after some deliberation, both start making out. Everyone in the bar starts feeling uncomfortable.
They're both gay.

2 ICP baggies enter a bar.
>both ask for warm beer
>(it tastes more like pee).
Once they're done with it, they proceed to have gay sex, everyone's uncomfortable.
Worth mentioning they didn't pay for the beers, basically scamming the bartender.
>(they're waiting for the first ICP uptrend).

An ICP baggie enters a bar.
Once inside, he asks for a hot beer:
>"Sir, we don't serve that"
>"Oh I see, may I use employee's microwave then?"
>"...Alright sir, no problem"
He then proceeds to microwave his beer for 2 whole minutes, taking a sip afterwards.
>"Perfect, thank you"
No tip.
The bartender is left astonished.
He doesn't know the 2 most fundamental traits an ICP baggie must have:
>1. Being poor.
>2. Loving pee.